ʟᴏꜱᴛ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

39

All my fucking fault.

"Ariya?"

"Ariya?"

"Wake up."

I shot up in my bed, seeing William with a hand on my cheek. I left him engulf me as I stared forward stiffly. It was like my body didn't know how to react to the.. dream.

"Are you okay?" He breathed against my neck.

Do I look okay?

"Yeah." I lied.

"You were thrashing around all night, I didn't know what to do."

"I'm sorry." I shook my head in confusion as he rubbed my back. His hand did no good to my decimating feelings. I began to wonder if maybe Khyson would have a better affect on me? But I shouldn't because the dream about him belittling me was what caused this mini mental breakdown in the first place.

"Don't be sorry, dreams are spontaneous.. so are feelings." He breathed, that was kind of true. You don't just have a mental breakdown, but at the same time you do.

"I'm such a mess, let me go clean up." I wiped my cheeks with my palms and sat up, walking over to the bathroom before locking myself in.

I think at this point I was a mess, a hot mess, with hot feelings.

I splashed some cold water on my face and realized just how late it really was. The puffiness in my eyes were still evident and you could tell. I hated letting William see this side of me, the broken more so vulnerable side. To be completely honest I didn't like anyone seeing it, Khyson had a pass although I don't know if it's still active.

I've thinking about starting a journal, maybe getting my feelings out there on paper would feel better. Or maybe even a story, Khyson was right maybe I should start writing again. Writing could be a good way to get my feelings out.

Not right now though, when I'm alone and William is gone and Rylan is asleep then maybe so.

I quickly blew out a sharp breath before walking out and getting under the covers with William.

-

"It was a dream, people dream, I remember having the same dream of two purple elephants destroying my house when I was sixteen for like two and a half months." Amara spoke as she applied her eyeliner.

"Yeah but it felt so real, like my life was being ripped away from me." I spoke.

"Just try and get your mind off of it."

I nodded while taking a sip from the glass of water she given me.

"I'm sorry about all these rendezvous with Khyson, I know you don't specifically want to be with him but Kameron loves including him so-"

"It's fine, our conversations have been.. ethical."

"Have they?"

"I don't know!? He named his god damn real estate firm after me-"

"Allure is such a graceful middle name, it really gives what it needs to. My middle name is Beatrice, what the actually fuck was my mom thinking. Beatrice, what?" Amara retorted.