Headaches & Hazbins: Book 1: New Kind of Life, New Kind of Hell

Chapter 2: Hell-O!

Demon 2: No. What kind of dumb question is that? Do you wanna tell the boss that you think it's better to run around with spears instead of a bat?

Demon 1: No, not really.

Demon 2: Exactly! Which is why we gotta get the best shit for kicking the most shit!

Demon 1: What the fuck does that mean?

Demon 2: I don't know I'm high, drunk, and turned on right now.

Asher: What the fuck?

Demon 1: So what do we do? Just wait here for the guy to show up then pay him with this?

[The First Demon kicks a duffle bag on the ground between them.]

Demon 2: Yep, just make sure you keep an eye on the bag. There has to be about five thousand smackeroos in there.

Asher: Really now?

Demon 1: Yea, yea, I got it.

[Asher stands up and rubs his chin.]

Asher: Five thousand eh? That could work... But how the hell do I get it without getting seen by clueless and horny... Asher looks around the roof of the building, there's a bunch of empty bottles, wooden crates, some wooden planks, and an anvil. Yes. An anvil. Asher looks towards the anvil curiously.]

Asher: Why is there an anvil up here? Never mind, I'm in Pentagram City, the "Anything Can Happen!" city in hell.

[Asher looks at the wooden planks on the roof and back at the anvil.]

Asher: Hmmm...

Demon 1: (Distant) So when is he going to get here? I'm bored out of my fucking mind...

[The two Demons below continue their conversation while Asher grabs two wooden planks and places them up against the edge of the building.]

Demon 2: (Distant) I don't fucking know!

[Asher walks over to the anvil and stands behind it, he begins to push it towards the wooden planks he has set up.]

Demon 1: (Distant) Didn't you say that he'd be here soon?

Demon 2: (Distant) No, I said he might be here soon.

Demon 1: (Distant) No you didn't.

Demon 2: (Distant) Yes I did.

Demon 1: (Distant) No you didn't.

Demon 2: (Distant) Yes I did.

Demon 1: (Distant) No you didn't!

Demon 2: (Distant) Yes I did!

Asher: Ugh... Shut up...

[Asher pushes the anvil over to the wooden planks and pushes it up the planks onto the edge of the building top.]

Demon 1: No you fucking didn't!

Demon 2: Yes I fucking did!

Demon 1: Oh yea!?!? If you really did-

[The First Demon walks out to the middle of the alleyway and spreads his arms out.]

Demon 1: -then let me get smitten where I stand!!!

Demon 2: Oh yeah? By who? God?

Demon 1: Nah! Better! Some drunk dumbass with an anvil!

[Asher stares at the First Demon with his foot leaning against the anvil as it hangs over the edge of the rooftop. He looks around the rooftop confused then back down at the two Demons.]