My teen depressed life

Am I Ever Gonna Be Enough?

This question has crossed my mind. Probably more than it should, "Am I ever gonna be enough?", "Am I ever gonna be normal?".
These questions really terrify me. Because I know what the answer is. I know that I will never be enough and to be honest that hurts.
In this journal I'm not going to tell you my name, or my age. I'm just gonna tell you what the fuck is inside my head. If I can, because if we are being completely honest, I don't know what's inside my head.
So let me start from the begging. Ok, maybe not the beginning, but from some time ago, when the major part of my problem started.
It was a normal day in my high school, and I guess that yeah... I was pretty popular, but that meant I hung out with some people I didn't really like, well actually at the time I had mixed feelings about those people, the jocks. I don't even know if I can call them that but sure, I'll just go with it. So yeah, I had turned into a bitch and I had left the majority of my friends to go and hang out with the "cool kids".
I know, disgusting. But going on.
The friends that I had "abandoned" still wanted to hang out with me, which was pretty cool since I really liked them.
I guess that I just wasn't hanging out with them because I didn't know how to be popular. I didn't know how to handle positive attention like that, and I guess it got the best of me. I started dressing all pink girly deep shit, and if you like it that's ok. But it wasn't really my thing.
So I missed hanging out with my friends, they were fun and they really didn't care about how popular I was or how much makeup I was using in that specific day. They were cool, really cool. So I started getting closer to them, leaving a friend I had made in the popular group behind... Kinda.
So I started getting closer to my friends and I guess that what made our friendship stronger is that we decided to start a band. It was pretty awesome even though we were shitty. Especially me and the bassist. Because I mean, we knew how to sing but since the guitarist needed a bass and the drums we kind of had to learn it a of the sudden. But anyways...
While this band thing happened I started drifting away from the "cool kids" even from that one friend I made there. I started hanging out in the music room more and dressing in much more punk rock clothes, in which I felt much more comfortable with.
So you can kind of say that in other people's eyes I went from being:
THA SHIT! 👍👌👏✅❗️
To being:
The shit (literally) 💩💩
But I really couldn't care less. Until more stuff started happening and that, dear readers is when my life went from being "the basic white bitch fantasy" to "my depressed teenage life". And I can't wait to tell you everything about it...