Forget-Me-Not (dreamxreader)

52 || Always

"It's someone who makes you a better person."

Ranboo. I shake my head again realising what I'd said. 

"Well actually, they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself," I smile and scruff Michael's hair making him giggle, a sound that lights pure joy in my heart. 

"Because they inspire you," I feel my thoughts starting to outpace me. 

Ranboo and Tommy inspire me. Ranboo makes me want to open up, be vulnerable, trust people again. Tommy makes me want to be wild and feel like a kid again. Tommy makes me brave. Ranboo taught me how to love. 

"A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever."

Ranboo. 

"The one person who knew you and accepted you and... believed in you before anybody else did or when no one else would."

Tommy. 

"And no matter what happens you'll always love them, and nothing can ever change that."

Ranboo and Tommy. 

Michael sits expectantly waiting for more but I can't think of anything else to say. Even if I had something to say, I worry my thoughts would beat it to my mouth. 

"Bee, do I have a soulmate?" Michael asks innocently. I scruff his hair again not needing to think about my answer this time. 

"You'll know it when you meet them," I tell him and set him down on the couch again. I spot the clock on the wall and sigh. I have to go for a meeting in L'Manburg with Quackity and Fundy. The factory work will have to wait for a little while longer. 

"I have to go, Michael, do you know where Ranboo is?" I ask him. Michael nods and points at the door that leads into the workroom. I kiss him on his head and head out the door again with heavier thoughts than when I entered. 

As I ride to L'Manburg my thoughts refuse to let up. Tommy was my soulmate, but he died. Does that mean he's not my soulmate anymore? Because he left me? But he was revived, shouldn't that mean he's definitely my soulmate? I haven't known Ranboo for half as long as I've known Tommy but I feel almost the same about both of them. I'd move mountains, I'd move church prime for both of them. But shouldn't I only feel that way for one of them?

A feeling of uselessness creeps up on me like a chill. As I pull up my horse to go slower through the streets I brush the scars on my arm. I created a rough indestructible surface, tougher than diamonds or netherite. On the outside, I was the toughest and strongest there was. But who am I if I'm nothing to either of them? They mean the world to me, but if neither of them is my soulmate do they love me at all?

I feel like I'm back in Pogtopia again. Completely worthless to Wilbur if I can't be of service. Antsy, worried, confused. 

I barely notice when I reach L'Manburg and tie up my horse outside the offices, my body ran automatically. I remind myself to just take it. Take what I'm handed and I'll break what's demanded. But before I can go to my meeting Quackity and Fundy rush out of the building with serious expressions. They startle on seeing me and I step back on seeing them. 

"Tubbo! Great, you're needed in a meeting with Lian, something about new soldiers," Quackity says immediately flipping through the papers he was carrying. His words hit my brain sending the gears reeling even faster than before. Fundy shoots him a look and then speaks too. 

"Sapnap and George want to talk about armies too, they didn't look patient either," he rolls his eyes. That will be important. 

I try to keep it under control. I'm needed in three places at once and I swear I can feel eyes on my back. I turn anxiously but nobody is there. I turn back when Quackity taps me on the shoulder and starts talking again. I squint trying to make out the words he's saying but I don't hear any of them. I watch Fundy and Quackity start to bicker with one another. I open my mouth to say something but a loud crash sends me leaping.