ʟᴏꜱᴛ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

35.

I knew Khyson, and I know I say that a lot but it's true. The moment he got any form of alone time with me he'd try to press on, and ask why, when, how. I had to get another leasing to him today, and let's just say I was not excited for that.

I held the information in my hands before taking a deep breath and standing up. I gracefully walked against the carpeted floor with my heels before standing in front of his two double doors.

Placing three knocks.

"Come in!" He yelled. I opened the door while keeping my eyes trained on the floor.

"Here's the lease you asked for Mr. Johnson." I said dryly while spinning around after placing the papers on his desk.

Just when I thought I had gotten away he grabbed my upper arm and ceased my steps.

"Ariya."

"Yes?" I breathed out professionally.

"You know we need to talk."

I took a sharp breath outwards before tugging my arm out of his grasp, he let go to make sure he wasn't hurting me.

"You know we have nothing to talk about.. Mr. Johnson." I said with my eyes trained on the door.

"Ariya-" He groaned.

I sped up to the door upon hearing him remove himself from his seat, suddenly his hand pushed the door shut and spun me around, pressing me against the wall with his two hands.

"Get off of me!"

"Not until you learn how to keep that little mouth of yours shut."

"I was hungry."

"I don't give a fuck, you know you're supposed to stay in your room when we have guests."

"I-I know but I was dizz-" He slapped me straight across the face.

"Ariya? Look at me, look here." Khysons face blurred in and out of my vision, blurring the memories.

"He was back-I-I-saw him." I gasped with a hand on my chest.

I didn't like being vulnerable, Khyson knew about my fair share of anxiety. He would be the only one who knew how to calm me.

"Oh, Ariya." I could hear the regret in his voice before he wrapped his arms around my trembling body with a sorrowful smile.

It seemed as if everything was completely spiralling out of my control, I couldn't seem to breath. Not a "there's something in my throat" kin of can't breath. But the kind where your body rejects the breaths.

"Breathe, slowly.. don't rush it." He whispered into my ear. I nodded my head against his chest.

"Follow me." He instructed with a slow and steady breath in and out.

I had realized until he led us to the couch and sat us down, adjacent from each other. His warm, big hands rubbing up and down my arms.

It suddenly felt oh so hot, like the collar of my blouse was choking me. I unbuttoned the first three buttons and began to calm myself.

"Ariya, I should have I j-"

"It's ok, it's-I'm okay." I breathed.

"Are you sure, here drink some water." He handed me his water bottle before I took it and consumed a large gulp.

I began to stand up before he pulled me back down.

"Not so fast."

I groaned.

"Let me talk, you know we have to." His voice was strained.

"Okay." I sighed feeling quite defeated.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I've been hearing that, for my whole life. But whenever he asked me, I seemed to have collapsed within his words. It meant something more to me when he said it, it made me want to spill my feelings and cry until I count breathe.

"Yeah." I shrugged, playing with my fingers.

"Don't do that.. I know you Ariya, tell when what it is."

"I hate her." I shrugged, my voice cracked as I look down into my lap. I felt his fingers tap my chin as I looked upwards with glistening eyes.

"I know you do, but two nights ago, the way you were I-you can't do that again. You had me worried sick, I want to know you're okay."

"Well.. I'm not." I told him.

"How can I fix that."

"Ten pounds of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bottle of coke." I mumbled before he chuckled.

"I can reinforce the locks on your door, or change your address in the company's system, whatever makes you feel safe."

He just wanted me happy, and that made me even more sad. Why did he have to care for me.

"It's not that."

"What is it, Riya?" He tilted my chin up once again before inspecting my facial features.

"What happened, two nights ago.. I'm with William."

"Ariya-"

"I cheated on him, Khyson. That wasn't supposed to happen, we weren't supposed to do that, I was being selfish, I needed a distraction and-and-" I rambled on before my thoughts faded and I couldn't decide what else to say.

"I'm sorry, it was.. you're right. It won't happen again." His voice was pained, regretful, he wanted more but couldn't speak up. I was ok with that, for now at least.

"I just want us to be friends, like the old days. Can we do that?" I pondered with a slight tug at my lips.

"Yeah, I guess." He smiled.

"Good."

Good.