like never before | beomkai

27 | planners

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Kai did owe Beomgyu dinner, but he was far too shy to ask himself. Instead they walk through town, stopping by stalls after stalls, just juicing every penny in Kai's wallet—this was not his proudest moment.

Kai left his things in Beomgyu's car when they stopped by a street with tree barks and branches bare of leaves. It's December, winter is surely knocking at their doors, yet the two still found the night walk perfect before they part.

"I came here last year, alone," Beomgyu said. "I don't remember exactly why, but I just know it made me feel at ease."

Kai nibbles on his bottom lip, wondering if it's the right time to talk about what he's been thinking of the entire day. Surely, he wouldn't want the day to end by stalling. Taehyun most definitely will not let him sleep if he delays.

Beomgyu beat him to it though—when he took Kai's hand in his and stuffed their intertwined hands in his coat. "Hey, just do it."

"Hm?"

"Tell me something you want me to know."

He read Kai like an open book.

If only one look can be enough to tell him every single thing; even Kai finds it difficult to articulate his thoughts and feelings with Beomgyu's desirable eyes on his. It's about their love, their wants, their stand, them... How can Kai say everything in one go?

"Rin," Kai blurts out. He took Beomgyu by surprise. "You dated her."

Beomgyu nodded, confirming this. "For a bit. You've seen us before."

"In the break room a couple of times, but I never knew until the party," Kai paused. "Your friends, too. I never knew you're close with those people."

"They're people I met in high school and some from the club. Is there something wrong?" Beomgyu was starting to worry.

Kai was shaking his head when he looked at Beomgyu, trying not to add to the growing tension. "Nothing's wrong. I just want to get to know you better," He smiled. "There's just so much I don't know about you, and sometimes it's terrifying. It's like you keep going further and further away from me."

"But I'm right here," Beomgyu whispered as he got close, not standing the distance any longer. "I'm here with you."

"I'm here, too."

Beomgyu used his free hand to circle Kai's waist loosely, just a reminder that this is happening. It's cold, it's warm, it's everything he could think of; and he's scared to let go and realize that everything is just a fragment of his imagination.

"What do you want me to do?" Beomgyu asked like he was lost.

"I want you to tell me about you when you're ready. It doesn't have to be right now," Kai reassured. He felt Beomgyu's hold tighten, he hushed gently. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Why are you so good to me?"

Beomgyu looked so vulnerable—almost a complete opposite of the person Kai was with stuffing his face with rice cakes and drinks earlier. It was something that became known to Kai about Beomgyu: he was always scared of being left.

He needs constant reassurance for the fears he's leaving untold.

And that is not something Kai could do easily, not if Beomgyu won't agree to communicate and would continue to keep running away.

He decides to end Beomgyu's suffering with a gentle kiss on the forehead. Innocent and sweet, pressed delicately like he's capable of breaking the older boy if he didn't. (And he was, you know, capable of breaking Beomgyu down if he wanted to.)

"I actually bought something for you today."

Beomgyu's eyes were wide, doe, and curious when he asked, "What is it?"

"A journal."

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"Let's get this out of the way," Beomgyu snatched the planner off Kai's desk. When the younger one yelped, he was quickly held back by Taehyun who's sitting beside him.

"Give it back, hyung."

Taehyun shook his head. "No, don't. It's just about time he stops planning every single second of his life."

"I literally toned it down now-" Kai was cut off by his alarm.

"Yeah, right," Taehyun scoffed with a stern look on his face. "Will you actually tone it down, please?!"

Beomgyu took his pen, scribbled down something on the 'bucket list' page from the initial parts. He knew it had to give it back eventually, so with a click of his pen, he slid it back to where it belonged.

'Schedule for the entire year: be with Beomgyu all the time because he likes Kai too much.'

"What the fuck?!" Taehyun and Kai said in chorus; Beomgyu got notebooks flying his way.