My little book of randomness

Just a rant

I have this problem

It's not such a big deal but I need to let my feelings out somewhere.

But I feel like I'm always being pressured to be happy for other people, mainly being pressured by myself.

Like the other other day on my friend's birthday I was having a horrible morning and was in tears but once I got to school I went straight to the bathroom to calm myself down so my friend would have a good day.

It's especially bad when my friends are also having a bad day so I bottle up my feelings and push them back as far as possible and try to forget about them but it always feel like I'm being crushed from the inside.

They have much worse problems then I do. And they tell me "Cavalry you can vent to us" but I feel like I can't.

Some days I feel so pissed with life or just sad and I just push it away and put on a smile to make other people feel better.

Especially now cause of my insomnia and anxiety I have push it away even more because I feel like I'm not aloud to be angry or mad or stressed.

And most days I just wanna scream and cry and yell but I can't bring myself to. I know it's really unhealthy to do this.

I think my bottled up feelings might be effecting my eating habits and sleeping habits and mood.

Sorry for ranting, but I needed to vent somewhere that wasn't to someone I know in real life.