Racing towards Love

Chapter One - It's Party Time, Birthday Girl!!!

(Nikita's POV)

I can't believe that I am officially going to be 45 years old, or young, or whatever people like to call it today. Where in the hell did my youth go?! Seriously, I want to know. Being single and lonely is not a good combo, by any means, but when you add being old into the mix it suddenly becomes the perfect TRIFECTA from HELL!! Shit! I can't even qualify as a MILF because I don't have children.

I really need to know what the hell I did which caused me to end up in this situation and I know it can't be my career. I mean, my career is pretty much as solid as can be. Despite graduating with a bachelor's degree in music from Ohio State, I have been diligently working as an Administrative Assistant for the State of New York for the past 16+ years. A true career woman.

I have my own apartment, a comfortable 1-bedroom loft that luckily is close to my job. I have my own car, a recently purchased Midnight Blue Jeep Wrangler and I am close enough to my friends and family where I can visit them any time I want. So, other than my shitty love life, everything else is simply peachy.

But regardless of all that, I still find myself questioning, why God hates me so much. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve being single so long. And it's not like I don't attempt to date, because I do. It's just that the men I end up meeting nowadays always end up being either married, already have a girlfriend and are cheating or are just looking for a casual hookup which I am definitely not looking for. I want a long-term relationship, something stable not just some casual fling.

Is it really that hard to find a single man who gets me? I mean, the real me and not make everything all about just sex. All women at times wish to experience that old-fashioned slow romance that you see in old movies from the 40s and 50s or read about in romance novels. You know the ones where the man shows up with flowers and takes her out on normal dates that don't leave you wondering if she will end up sleeping with him at the end.

But I have a feeling I know the reason why this is just wishful thinking on my part. Simply put, this is the modern day, the 21st century, the age of casual sex relationships. It's a new revolution, a new era of free love only with condoms. So, one needs to either jump on the speeding train or get run over by it. Not much of a choice if you ask me. I am starting to realize that my chances of finding my 'Mr. Right' is getting slimmer and slimmer by the day.

Now I am not a person who bashes men by any means, but I noticed that I have dated way too many men who act more like children than an actual adult and I think it's about time that I change that. What I need to find is someone who is an intellectual, adventurous, down to earth type of person. Someone of substance, as they say. But I find myself at times wondering if I will ever find him, my perfect partner, so late in my life.

Have I really missed my chance or were my expectations really set too high as my friends often tell me? But really, what exactly is too high? If you are single in your 40s like I am, you are constantly given the 'When are you going to find a man and get married and start having kids?' speech, which I must admit I have heard lately on repeat for the past 6+ years.

And trust me when I say that I have heard all the horror stories about waiting too long to have kids. For example, I heard that if I don't start having kids soon, I will probably never have any. Now scientifically, this might be true, but I am willing to take my chances. But that never stops my mother from bringing up this very topic in conversation every single time I come to visit her which I normally do at least twice a week. Her go to speech has always remained the same.

'Menopause is right around the corner, Nikita. I mean you're already in your 40s, late ones to be exact. I don't understand why you are waiting so damn long. You should already be married with kids like your brother Andrew. He and Gillian are already pregnant with their 4th child while you haven't even popped out one and you are the eldest. Are you even dating anymore? I know that you and Chandler were together for nearly 5 years before you guys broke up, but it's been 3 years now. I think it's time for you to move on and find someone new to be happy with. I know you always wanted to have kids of your own, Nikita. If that is still your intentions, well then, I suggest that you do it soon before you lose your chance.'