America the Poor: A Wanderers Tale, Vol Two

Chapter 12:My Blind confession to a Blinder friend

At one point the blind boy and roommate Tim asked me why I was so upset, since I was making crazy noises of anger the whole time.

His hearing was amazing, he heard every grunt and yell of anger perfectly. Up to this point, being taken down multiple times by the staff in only a few days was sort of a record he said. I guess I was doing a wonderful job entertaining the other boys I suppose. Better than the plexi-glass protected tv was.

I was glad I could accommodate them so well, and entertain their sad lives with my drama.

That evening Tim and I had a heart to heart talk alone. "Cee was my unwanted love, but she didn't give a crap who the hell I was, and I was apprehended at the executive hotel by Hulk Hogan, whom I just learned today who he was, I'd never seen him before my arrest, and then again finally today on the tv". I sat across from Tim and said these exact words.

It was such a surreal conversation, since he seemed the physical reincarnation of Jim Morrison, same face, same hair and physical build. I loved the Doors, ever since I was very young, and to be having a straight honest conversation with Jim Morrison's twin in an insane asylum was beyond anything I could have imagined. He gave me his full attention it seemed.

Though he never really looked directly at me, just in my general direction, since he was totally blind. "Do you think you're crazy Johnny, do you deserve to be here, really?" He asked me directly. "No I don't believe I am, but i'm friggin here anyway, though I made no real threats, I was just stalking her, because I wanted her too way much, and that was my real only crime"

"Tell me everything Johnny, I want to hear it, and it's not like we got much else to do right now right?" He finally said, all the while slowly shuffling his braille marked cards, the 80s version of fidget spinners, looking back on it now.

So I did, we sat there, just Tim and myself, and quietly talked for an hour, maybe two. I told him the entire tale, my molestation, my outcast status at school, Joseph and Carol, my shuffling between family members, the monstrousness of my mother, and her husband. I laid my soul bare that very evening to my blind roommate. My psychological experiments on adults as a very young boy, and I told him about the christian couple who helped me, and my mothers final horrifying selfish choice, a child molester husband over her only son.

At last. I discussed my irrational obsession with beloved Cee, and my stalking behavior at her prom, and my physical assault by Hulk Hogan, and my young extreme anger. I told my friend everything I could think of related to my past, and he sat there, enrapt I believed. Sometimes kids and staff passed us, and played foosball, and after a few games, left, but my tale continued.

It's like I was a cup completely upended, emptying my stories into the head of my new blind older friend.

He was 18, and I was 13, but that didn't matter, he truly listened to me, and he was the first one that heard it all with a truly open mind, although he had his own issues at the time.

I laid my soul bare to Tim, and I told him my weaknesses, and my motivations. Finally, after I'd finished, about a minute after, he said this to me: "You arent fucking crazy Johnny, you've been through pure fucking Hell, and you feel things too deeply, more then you ever should, but thats it, you arent a nut, and don't belong here, but it doesnt matter does it? You are here with us, and they will keep you as long as they really want to!"

I heard this from my new roommate, and was reluctant to accept it then, I would find a way to escape, one way or another. However, I understood legally he was right. They would keep me as long as they wanted.

"I don't intend on being here long Tim", were my exact words, "That will change in time, you are like us, we are just experiments, you will bend, especially if you take their drugs, wait and see Johnny"