NICKNAMES [1], jj maybank

CHAPTER 13

"No, seriously—I have to go. I'll text you guys later, okay?" The last part is mostly towards JJ. Neither one of us have brought up last night and I can't tell if it's because we don't know how to approach it or because it doesn't need to be brought back up. "Okay, I'm leaving. Goodbye." I put two fingers to my head and wave them off to go find Dean. I'm really trying to ignore my stomach doing so many flips. I feel as though I might die.

Deep breathes.

  Eventually, I make it out of the school and see Dean by the rock. The flips in my stomach do not stop—if anything they increase as I send him a wave. He sends one back and I think my heart drops to my ass. All this anxiety is so unneeded. "Hey!" I greet him once I'm close enough. "Hey, you—you look pretty."

Oh God.

   "Thanks—so do you." I'm not lying, he always looks good. The crew neck he has on confuses me considering it's North Carolina in the summer. I don't want to pry because I know first hand that people struggle with self-harm but I also didn't want to make assumptions. "So, where's this car of yours?" Dean pulls the keys out of his pocket and presses a button. I hear the car down by the curb go off. The one that goes off confuses me—isn't he from The Cut? The car that just went off is something Rafe Cameron would own.

  Dean must've seen how confused I am because he explains it,"My grandpa—well kind of—he's my step-grandpa, anyway, he bought a new car and just gave me his old one."

"Oh, that's nice of him," We start to walk towards his car together and I hop into the passenger seat. It smells like oranges.

  The seats are quite comfy too. "So, my place?" Dean's confidence is slowly coming out and I'm hoping it's because he's getting comfortable with me. He is still a dork—don't get me wrong, he gave me the whole timeline of Star Wars.

   "Yeah!" I adjust myself in my seat and start to lightly scratch my chest. I have to keep reminding myself not to leave marks but I'm so nervous. JJ telling me not to trust Dean keeps coming back into my head and it's making me want to go back to JJ and yell at him again. Deans turn on some music and I nearly gasp when I hear what is playing when he turns it up.

Back to the Old House by The Smiths

  It's not like it isn't a popular song—it just isn't to people our age. "You know this song?" He clearly does—wow, I'm being stupid right now. "Yeah, my dad is into The Smiths. You like them?"

"A couple songs—I just wish the band wasn't that problematic." Morrissey is extremely racist. Making so many insensitive remarks I've lost count. Of course if you tell him he's being racist he would call you the bigot.

  "I think Morrissey is just—a little quirky." I laugh at him but when I turn his face looks serious—you've gotta be kidding me. "If being racist is quirky to you—you might as well drop me off now—"

"No! That's not what I meant—of course he's a racist I was just trying to lighten the mood." The slight confidence he once had is gone because he had panicked. I just sort of nodded as we made it to The Cut. I don't know if this sounds bad but sometimes I miss being on this side. It just feels oddly more welcoming—everyone by me has their heads up their asses. We pass by Ava's house and even after all these years nostalgia still hits me. The girl I grew up with who also betrayed me. I don't miss her, I think I just miss the memories and the promises we made.

  Like the promise that we would be each other's maid of honor.

   How pathetic. Kie and I have never even talked about getting married—I think the thought of it scares the both of us. Eventually the car stops,"We're here. I know it's not much but—"