Cruel Affections (Levi x Reader)

- Chapter 3 -

Summary: After what transpired between you two, things are awkward as you try to come to terms with your decisions.

However, your resolve dwindles when you make contact with him again.

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A week has passed since the incident, and somehow, you've avoided making contact with Levi efficiently. You quietly sped down the hall whenever you were near his office, finished your usual tasks before he could even tell you to, and ran out of the dining hall upon seeing him, like you were about to do now.

The moment Levi stepped into the room behind Commander Erwin and Hange, you were already rising from your seat. You hastily grabbed your finished plate and tried to figure out how to leave without everyone becoming too suspicious.

What would be a good excuse? You were pretty good at steering clear from him up until now; But out of all times, they decided they wanted to eat dinner an hour earlier tonight.

"Hey, (Y/N)! Where are you going? What's the rush?" Jean asked, confused at your sudden jumpy behavior. They all looked at you with concern. Your face suddenly felt hot as you scanned the room, following where Captain Levi sat.

"Huh? Oh, nowhere I was just- uh, the bathroom." Your voice shook; you were even more self-conscious, knowing that they knew something was off. Armin's eyes followed yours as they fell in Levi's direction.

"Is it Captain Levi? What'd he do now?" Armin questioned, frowning with pity for you. What could you possibly say? It's nothing, we fucked the other day, and now I don't want to be around him.

This was beyond frustrating.

"Yeah, you know how he is; he put me on night duty again." A lie. You cleared your throat, trying to appear less worried. Their eyebrows furrowed, seemingly picking up on how you weren't telling them the whole story.

"It's fine, really. I'll be right back!" You said, briskly dropping your plate off in a nearby basin and getting the hell out of there before they can interrogate you even more.

Once out of the room, you groaned, headache pain twinged at the sides of your temple. You couldn't help but feel like you were getting worked up over nothing. If no one knew anything before, they would surely discover something soon because of how weird you were acting.

You might've been exaggerating a bit, but you've never felt so ashamed in your life. You wished that Levi didn't have such an effect on you. Last time, all of your hatred for him dissipated as soon as he touched you.

A touch that intended to hurt you at first, and that said a lot about your character. The fact that you were turned on by the way he pinned you down, slapped you, and choked you like some wild animal was disturbing.

If anything, this only proved how depraved you were, and you were incredibly disappointed in yourself. Were you that desperate for attention that you'd seek it from someone so vile? You didn't want to accept that as true; you made a careless mistake.

You let your guard down and allowed this man to see you in such a vulnerable state, which was the last thing you wanted. He didn't deserve to embrace you like that, to hear you calling his name, to feel you. And in the moment, you loved it, you basked in it, craved it even. It made you feel so good and appreciated for once.

It made you feel wanted , and that disgusted you.

You couldn't believe it. So many mixed emotions over such a terrible and worthless man. What were you, some moody teenager? No. You were better than that. So much better, in fact, that you could admit your faults.