Midwinter

May you always be

She stood beside Ada and Karl as the vardo was being led down Watery Lane. There were a few flowers in her hand and she placed them softly through the window. As she walked back a white bundle caught her eye from down the street. Peering in that direction she could see that it was Linda holding young Billy. While Linda was a bit of a wild card that she and the Shelby’s were a bit unsure of, Annie’s heart filled with empathy for the woman. The blonde had lost her husband. Annie knew what that felt like.

“Where is Tommy?” Annie asked. It wasn’t as though she thought he’d be there to watch the vardo pass, but she hadn’t seen him in a little over a day. Ada, who was clinging tightly to her son’s shoulders, took a deep breath.

“Taking care of the business.” Tommy’s sister replied, turning her back and heading back inside their home. Annie followed her in. “There is work to be done. Things that have to change. Plans that need to be made.” The plans that he was making went far beyond the business, Annie decided. “I am to meet him at the shop later. Along with Pol...” She sighed. “And Michael.”

“Michael is back?” No one told her what had happened to him. She knew he was in the hospital for awhile and knew that he left, but she was not told about where he’d been.

“Not for long.” The words bothered Annie. No, the words did not bother her, the secret behind them did.

“Will things ever be told to me?” Secrets were heavy. She knew the weight of them well, and the secrets the Shelby family held must have weighed as much the world itself did. Ada shooed Karl up the stairs to go play with Charlie. They left the little boy playing in his room while they stood outside.

“Not even Grace knew everything, Annie.” The brunettes locked eyes. Ada meant those words as a challenge. If there was ever a doubt that she had Shelby blood in her veins, it was all wiped away in that moment.

“Well, I’m not Grace, now am I?” Annie knew that Ada said those words to get a rise out of her, but the nanny was not going to let that happen. Tommy had given her much practice in the time she’d known him. Ada looked Annie up and down, a smirk forming on her face.

“No...No you are not.” Annie’s friend sighed. “Michael betrayed Tommy’s trust. Michael is being sent away for the time being to do some business for the family. Now, would you might watching after my son while I go talk business?”

“Thank you, Ada.” With a nod of her head, Annie walked up the stairs. She could hear the boys laughing and wondered if that was what life was like for the Shelby brothers as children? Did they spend their afternoons laughing in that room? Did they have a joyous childhood or did they have a childhood like these two boys were having? Full of loss and death and sadness and secrets.

__

Charlie was sleeping on the bed in front of him. Moonlight was streaming in the window behind him and caused the blonde hair of his son to look silver. It reminded him of his Grace. Of moments when he would watch her sleep. There was no pain in his heart as he thought of her, compared to times in the past. Instead, all he could feel was relief. Changretta was dead. He was dead and his followers dispersed.

The sound of the doorknob turning pulled him from his thoughts. Tommy did not look towards the door, but the small gasp coming from that direction let him know who it was.

“Oh! Sorry, Tom.” Annie apologized. “I didn’t know you were in here. I just wanted to check on him, make sure that he’s okay.”

“He’s fine.” He heard her moving and turned to look at her. She was beginning to leave the room. “No.” Tommy demanded. “Stay.” Her features softened and she shut the door behind her. “Sit here.” He moved over on the small chaise to make room for her.

“Arthur is alive.” Annie whispered. He was certain he’d be able to hear her accusing tone all the way from France.

“Yes.” Was his only response.

“You could have told me.” She was hurt. This surprised him. “I know why you had to keep it a secret from everyone, but...But I don’t think you see me as everyone.” Tommy was beginning to learn to never underestimate Annie and her bravery. Her words were honest and from the heart. Her words were correct.

“You could not know.”

“You don’t trust me.”

“I do.” Finally, he looked her dead in the eye. “I trust you more than I should. And that’s why you couldn’t know. Because if you knew he would know and he would get to you.”

“Changretta, you mean?”

“Yes, fucking Changretta.” His name was like acid on his tongue. It made his blood boil. “I could not risk you.” Without warning she took one of his hands as she’d done many times in the past. Only this time she lifted it to her lips. Quietly she kissed his knuckles, then opened his palm and placed another kiss in the center. Her eyes never left his as she did this.

“Thomas, you can tell me things. You can risk me.” She was desperate, for what though he did not know. For him? His body? His mind? His heart? His commitment?

“I’m sorry, Annie, but I can’t. There will always be someone. Someone who wants to kill me. To destroy what I’ve worked for and they will not stop until everything and everyone is ripped from me. It is the nature of the business. It is the nature of me.” She dropped his hand. “You are worth too much to risk.

“I think you’re wrong.” Annie stood and his heart ached. There was no more relief, only fear and paranoia. “Your actions say that I am not worth enough.” She moved to Charlie and bent down to kiss his forehead. “Goodnight Eun Beag. I will see you in the morning.” The woman left the room and Tommy felt as though she’d left his life altogether.

“Fuck.”