Touch Starved Boys || My Hero Academia Imagines

~Burn~ Bakugou x Reader

I tell him everything.  Every detail of my slow burn argument that lasted almost a whole week, starting from inciting events weeks ago to the climactic end last week.  All my regrets, my mistakes, my anger, my insults, my self-doubt, my regrets, all the unspoken words I've kept to myself.  Everything rushed out of me to the point where I was sobbing and shaking, Bakugou cradling me in his arms.  I thought I would've been able to handle it, pushing it down for me to handle and process later, but later never came because I was trying to delay facing them.  My fear of showing him the innermost darkest and broken parts of me that I thought would push him away.  I realize I'm more of a mess than I thought I was; I let it build up by myself until I became a sobbing mess on the kitchen floor.

Katsuki stays silent, running his warm hands up and down my back and listening to everything I had to say, even if they weren't exactly coherent from the sobs.  

"I knew something was wrong when you suddenly stopped going out and never told me anything."  He pauses thoughtfully.  "It must be hard to deal with mean thoughts since you're the nicest person I've met, but having them every once in a while doesn't suddenly make you a villain or something.  They just come from feeling something, it's just human nature."  He pulls back to look at me and wipe the tear trails off my face. "I still love you. I'm here for you, I won't leave just because you want to insult someone who hurt you. I think it's pretty hot, actually." 

I manage a giggle, another tear falling.  "Of course you would think that."

He wipes it away with the pad of his finger and smiles at me.  "You're my superhero.  I'm sorry you're feeling this way.  I'll do anything I can to help you through this, if you'll let me.  I know how hard it was to tell me."

I huddle against his chest, sitting between his legs to catch as much warmth as I can by hugging his arm over me.  "You know, I didn't want to think about my feelings for so long.  I wanted to ignore them as much as I could because I thought they were bad.  I thought ignoring them meant being able to move on.  I ran away from them until I was baking cookies at 4 am just to distract myself.  I just... want to face them and be done with them."

"So burn 'em."

I stop tracing the back of his hand.  "What?"

"Burn them.  Y'know, like how spies burn important documents that they don't want other people finding."

I stare at him blankly.  "What are you trying to say?"

Katsuki sighs.  "You're the kind of person who needs to get things off your chest  or it'll eat you alive.  I know you still have a lot to say that you can't tell me, so just write what you feel.  No sugarcoating.  Exactly how you want to say them.  And then, once it's out of your system," he snaps his fingers and creates a mini explosion for effect, "Burn it. No one else has to know."

The idea sounds perfect.  I can be completely honest to myself, no matter how childish or insulting I will probably sound.  And maybe some of my anger will be quelled by some form of destruction, I guess.

"You're doing the burning though, since you're so used to it."

A week later, Katsuki and I stood outside in our concrete backyard in the dark night.  There was no wind to bother the fire or make a sound.  I huddle close to him, looking at the inked looseleaf in my hand.

The night I wrote these words, I was angry and vulnerable.  Hesitant to start at first, I couldn't stop myself after the first sentence.  My thoughts barely echoed in my mind as they were reproduced on paper.  The experience was in a limbo between autopilot robotic reproduction and furious out-of-body possession.  The only thing I vaguely remember is how rhythmic the words flowed out of me and the red-tinted vision of me screaming them out into an abyss without consequence.  I couldn't even recall anything I'd written, despite the same insults dangling behind my tongue for days.  I felt lighter, freed, but afraid of what I might've said.  I tucked the paper away without reading it for days.

It wasn't until a few hours earlier that I decided to revisit them.  The person's voice was furious, almost like they were never allowed to speak before, but now they had free reign.  This person was a prisoner standing on their field to be executed and desperate to have their last words heard before they croaked.  Honestly, I would've been repulsed, only pitying them for their terrible decisions and upbringing that led them here.  But these were mine.  I'm the villain who had to take accountability.

I wish I could say I didn't mean them, but I wrote them, my intent is obvious.  At least I can say I'm not proud of them.  I said what I needed to say, now no one needs to see them.  I'm going to let that side of me go.

Katsuki takes the paper from my hand.  "Not gonna lie, this would be the first time I've intentionally set fire to something."

I raise an eyebrow.  "You're telling me you've never tried to set fire to something before?"

He opens his mouth to object, but then closes it.  "Okay, stupid drunk things don't count, I was under the influence."  He takes a breath.  "You ready?"

I nod, bracing myself.

The bottom of the paper erupts into a single brilliant flame, sending my heart into a frenzy at my instant danger reflex.  My body tenses being this close to fire, but I relax as I focus on the bigger, beautiful picture.  A weak halo surrounding us and illuminating the pavement, the spotless paper being consumed quickly, the flames ascending up and leaving charr in its place, the gradient of a blue base bleeding into blinding yellow and white outlined by an orange border.  I watch as my messily scrawled words disappear like a dark curtain sweeping across it, rendering it useless as only the smell of smoke and ash take its place.

I embrace his free arm.  Words wouldn't be enough to describe how grateful I am for him standing by me this entire time, supporting me, being available for me to open up to him, being my safe space, witnessing this with me.

The timeless moment bitterly ends as the last of the paper chars to black, the flame fizzling out into blue until only dark grey smoke remains in the darkness.  I follow the trail up into the night sky as if hoping to catch a glimpse of my words flying away.

"You okay babe?"  Katsuki whispers, not wanting to disturb the stillness.

I let my body relax.  My chest feels strangely lighter but filled with a newfound relief.  Is this what spiritual cleansing feels like?  The darkness around me is almost dreamlike.  "Yeah," I breathe, allowing myself a moment to come back down.  "I feel much better."

"And now you understand the joy of setting things on fire."  I can hear his smirk.

The punch I want to land on his face turns into a light tap on his arm as I snuggle closer to him.  "Thank you for this."

Katsuki plants a kiss on top of my forehead and his arm engulfs around me.  "It's the least I can do to help."

As we finally drag ourselves inside, I imagine the paper that's just burned in front of me, the inked words on it already forgotten.  I'm satisfied with letting them go, knowing they can't hurt anyone else and I wasn't attached to them enough to be sad.

Whatever I wrote will be a secret even I don't know and what I set free.

Happy New Years everyone!  I hope your holidays were enjoyable (unlike mine b/c I was sick with the-virus-that-shall-not-be-named) and I hope your 2022 gives you a year of joy and growth

~

I wrote this in the midst of when it was happening to me, and I edited it months later after I got a chance to process the event a little clearer.

Also PSA: DON'T DO DANGEROUS THINGS WITHOUT PROPER SAFETY MEASURES IN PLACE GUYS! PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELVES! The actions here are designed just for story purposes, please don't go out and do these things because you could get hurt!