I'll Be Right Here Forever

1

tw: suicide 

It's not selfishness if you save yourself in the end.

It was almost midnight. He sent the group one last message, and silenced his phone.

He knew they wouldn't talk him out of his actions, they said so themselves, but they might take it back now that it was actually happening.

He called Dr Miranda once more. He still hadn't answered. He left it at that. 

He pulled a box out from under his bed and set it on his nightstand. He read the note on top of it once more.

Reading it, Michael realize the death had been his Final Destination from the start. 

He shook his head and put his glasses back on. He grabbed the package, put it underneath his arm, and headed downstairs.

He wrote out a letter for his mom's, left it at the kitchen counter. 

Michael grabbed his keys and lock the door behind him.

Hopefully they wouldn't be worried about his car not being in the driveway. He doubted it.

He drove to Jeremy's house.

It's crazy to think that this is where everything ended. His second home, his safe haven turned hell.

Michael got out of his car and set the box down on the doorstep. He sent Jeremy a quick message and saw the light to his room turn on.

Michael rushed back to his car and drove away.

If Lydia, Connor, Evan, and Jared weren't going to talk him out of it, Jeremy sure as hell would.

He made his way to the city.

He never thought much about how he were to take his life. He never had to. But he knew it had to be this way.

He did his research before calling Dr. Miranda. He knew the exact height he had to fall from to die.

And thankfully for Jersey neighboring New York, he knew exactly where he needed to go.

It was a long drive. He chose to leave the radio off. Music would bring back memories and keep him grounded, when all he wanted to do was escape. He thought about Jeremy.

He did seem happier, didn't he? He was definitely happier without Michael weighing him down. Jeremy didn't need extra baggage to deal with.

From the outside looking in, killing yourself over a boy seemed to be a little too extreme. But it wasn't just that. Jeremy wasn't just some guy. He was his childhood friend, he was the love of his life. Jeremy was everything to him, but the feelings weren't mutual.

Even though Michael should've been happy for him, like he said he would be all those years ago, he couldn't bring himself to be. Why would he force himself to feel a certain way if he didn't want to mask it.

But what could he do at this point. What could he say? He hoped Jeremy got the box and read the note. Michael would feel more at ease if he did.

He thinks of Christine. Why does he hate her so much? She was beautiful and kind, and brought a smile to Jeremy's face. The type of smile that brightens up the room. The type of smile that makes you fall in love. Christine is making Jeremy happy.

He shouldn't hate her. But he does. He hates that Jeremy noticed her in middle school. He hates how she had the balls to express herself to him when he confessed his feelings. He hates how she was everything he wasn't.

He thinks about Rich. How he awake at the hospital waiting for Michael to show up to see Jeremy. How they got close and he thought that Jeremy and Michael had something going on. He thinks about how Rich was the only one to encourage him to go after Jeremy before he went to Christine. He thinks about how he had to explain to him about how he missed his chance.

He should've thanked Rich. He was understanding, and was the only one that genuinely cared about how Michael felt that day Jeremy asked Christine to their bowling hang out. He grabbed his hand and invited him to play Xbox with him. It was there that he realized how desperately Rich wanted to fit in with everyone else. He was just like him. Just like Jeremy.

He pulled into a gas station. It was well past 2 in the morning. He sent a text to Rich. Before putting his phone back he took a glance at his other messages. He had 40 text messages and 12 missed calls from Jeremy. Over 100 messages from the group chat. A shit ton from his family group chat. His eyes landed on one message one of his mothers.

"Michael please come home"

He put his phone away. He knew that if he read the rest of the messages that were being sent, he would actually go home. And wouldn't that just be anticlimactic.

It was well past 5am when he reached New York. The state where dreams are made of, and where nightmares end.

He still hopes this is just a long dream and tomorrow he'll wake up in Jeremy's house and they'll joke about squips and college.

He parked his car somewhere. Who knows what street it was. It doesn't matter anyway. He won't be needing it. With help of some passerby's he made it to Broadway. He smiled to himself.

Broadway here I come.

The climb up was easier than he thought due to his past parkour days with Jeremy. Of course the fire escapes were a big help as well.

He sat at the top for a bit catching his breath. His phone was still going off. He ignored it and stood a foot away from the ledge.

The view was gorgeous. The sun was beginning to shine its light, hiding behind the buildings, not ready to show off.

Was he ready to give up?

Of course, he was. He wouldn't be standing above Broadway if he wasn't. Was he ready to let go of everything he knew? No. Who could ever be ready for such a thing? He wouldn't know.

And there was no one to answer him.

It really does seem like a lifetime ago that he began his climb through all his stages of grief. Was this his acceptance? Was death his answer?

He saw a crowd begin to form. This most likely wasn't the first time someone would jump from a building in New York, but it was probably the first time some of them were witnessing it.

He had to jump before someone called and alerted 911 to the commotion he was causing. It was now or never.

He jumped.

Somewhere below him, a woman screamed.