Too Good to be Bad | Negan |

20 - What did I get myself into?

TW: Sexual content

So life goes on much as it has since we moved into the Sanctuary. Negan said I'd see him soon enough, but by Wednesday I've only seen glimpses of him in the hallways. I don't know if he looks at me or not, because I'm not supposed to look up. All through Wednesday, I feel nervous. Saturday night seems far away again and he's still basically a stranger to me. Also, I have to talk to him about Kieran. We agreed that he would be released on the day I'd be his wife. Which would have been a couple of days from now. But since I'm not becoming his wife now, I need to make sure he'll still release Kieran when the two weeks are up. I feel like I'm asking him for something every time I run into him. And besides all those nerves, I guess there's a little excitement?

When the dinner bell rings, Pamela scolds at me for slagging today and I promise to be better while I make sure to keep a straight face. Then I head to dinner to meet my friends. The distraction doesn't leave me and I avoid Alex's gaze, because he looks at me too knowingly. After dinner I still have hours to kill before I'm supposed to meet Negan, so I decide to ask Priya to take a walk on the grounds with me. I still haven't had a chance to talk to her properly since I spoke with the doctor.

The weather is nice, but November has started and temperatures are dropping. In spite of everything, I'm glad we won't be spending the winter outside in the cold. We've been provided with warm coats, so we're comfortable as we walk around the factory, safely guarded from the walkers by the impenetrable fence.

'It's nice today', I say to break the silence between us. I'm not looking forward to bringing up what I heard from the doctor, as I'm sure it will upset her.

'It is', she agrees.

We walk towards the fence where the walkers are strung up to scare away ill-wishers. I still don't like the sight of them.

'Pretty crazy right?' I say as we watch them growl and snarl.

'Seems effective.'

I turn my face to look at her. She shows no emotion as she watches the walkers. Everyone seems to have grown more hardened against the sight of the moving corpses then I have. I look away from them when we continue to walk.

'So what do you think about this place?' I ask her.

'It's nice', she answers. I sigh internally at her lack of responsiveness. She's become so closed off after everything she's been through. Of course I can't blame her.

'Pri, I think we should talk. Really talk, I mean. Tell me how you're feeling.'

She doesn't look at me when she answers.

'I'm fine. This place is nice. We're safe. What more can we ask for?'

I take a big step to get in front of her and make her look at me.

'I don't think you're fine, darling. The doctor told me you asked him if there's any way you can still get rid of the baby.'

'Isn't there something like doctor-patient confidentiality?' she scowls.

'You're right, you should sue him.'

I get a small smile, but her face soon turns dark again. She steps past me and continues to walk.

'He said no. I didn't think there would be a way, but I haven't had a chance to talk to a doctor, so I decided to try.'

'You know that if there had been any way to do it safely, I would have helped you. If we'd had the means...'

'But we didn't', she interrupts me. 'I know you would have helped me, but this is the way it is. I'm having this baby, it's fine. I'm fine.'

She starts to walk more briskly to put more space between us, but I keep up and I grab her arm lightly.