𝐓𝐇𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄, leo fitz

xii. Programmed By Betrayal

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chapter twelve

(April 24th, 2017
The Playground, Classified)

    CLARA HAD begun to hope that Radcliffe would change from the man she had known under Hive's sway; for no one else, and especially not her, except for Fitz. Through all of his faults and his manipulative ways and swig of a bottle, Radcliffe seemed to care about Fitz in a way that he needed. Another Scotsman with a mind constantly moving on a similar path that Fitz's own was: one that understood him, liked what he did, and found his work fascinating. Someone he could look up to in his field, someone who had become more than a friend, but a mentor. Clara held her dislikes, but she always respected Radcliffe for being better than Alistair Fitz in that regard.

    But he had twisted Fitz all over again. Used him for his own benefit━manipulated him, left him there: confused, betrayed and hurt: threw their friendship to the wolves, walk away and not come back. And now, Radcliffe━the real Radcliffe━was out there somewhere, nothing better than a drunk who didn't care about Fitz at all.

    There wasn't much difference between Radcliffe and Alistair Fitz anymore.

   She was quiet, carefully watching Fitz work. He was stiff, silent, on edge━he was angry, and he was barely keeping himself standing at the same time. Clara didn't know what to say, or whether she should say anything. Even after over ten years knowing each other, Fitz was complicated, and sometimes, even she was never sure on what he needed━or whether she could be the one to give it to him right now. Especially since they've changed so much.

    They used to just sit together and watch a movie whenever something surrounding their parents arose. Whether it be about Clara's mother, or Fitz's father━a distant thought that reminded them, or the damage they left clouding their minds at the Academy, it seemed to be easy to distract themselves and be there for each other. They understood what it was like, and could sit there in an understanding silence.

    But nearly thirteen years after, Fitz started to lock himself in his own head. Work on his problems like they were just another machine━trying to fix the cogs of his brain after his injury thinking that no one else wanted, or could help. Processing his own programming in a way that often worried Clara was leaving only just more damage; a virus constantly biting back, knocking him down until one day, he'll break.

    Not that she was any better ... maybe that was the problem: this job. This life. There were so many problems that there was no time for your own. You just keep going, keep running━even when you're exhausted and at the brink, you push yourself until in the end ... that was it.

    Clara fiddled with her rings, briefly glancing at the limp body of Radcliffe's L.M.D. Strikingly similar━none of them had realised, except for Fitz. He had seen the truth, and she and Jemma had critised him for following his head━for seeing something that might hurt him but investigate it because that was who he was. Roy didn't feel any better than anyone else who had critised Fitz's genius then; she felt just the same. She was determined to do better now; be better.