A Quartet of Desire

Chapter 40: A Big Move

Her hands trembled in mine. I watched her bite her lower lip to keep them from trembling as well. I hated watching her fear me. Holding her hands against my chest, I leaned down and kissed her gently once again. She slowly returned the kiss. The tension and apprehension slowly melted away as the trembling in her hands and lips subsided the longer I held her in the soft kiss.

When I pulled away from her full lips, I pressed my forehead against hers and stared into her vibrant blue eyes. "Babe," I whispered, "I don't want you to be afraid of me. I want you to love me and be happy with me. I know I messed up our engagement, but I really do want to fix it. Can we please start over?"

"I..." she started, her eyes starting to glisten once again with unshed tears. She cleared her throat before continuing. "I really do think... that it would be better... if you found someone else."

"Why?" I demanded, the pain stabbing my chest over and over again.

"I told you last night," she whispered. Her head pulled back into the pillow as her watery gaze looked to the side.

Shaking my head, I struggled to keep my voice from raising. "You told me a bunch of bullshit about how you didn't think we matched well. You thought I could do better, but you're wrong. You were meant to be mine, and I was meant to be yours. I don't want anyone else; I just want you."

Claire bit her lip to keep her emotions from running away. "Ryan, it's not bullshit when it's true."

"Did I do this to you?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Do what?" she asked confused.

I kept her hands tightly in mine as I looked into her eyes searching for answers. "Did I make you feel like you aren't beautiful? Did I make you feel that you can't be yourself around me? Did I make you feel that you aren't worth the effort? What did I do to make you so afraid of me?"

"No, you didn't, and I'm not afraid of you," she replied instantly, her eyes refusing to meet mine.

"That's what it looks like to me, Claire," I told her.

"I'm not," she quietly replied and shook her head.

I sighed. "Then why do you apologize profusely for every single tiny thing you think you do wrong, even if you actually didn't do anything wrong? Why do you flinch away from me as if I would dare to hurt you?"

Confusion crossed Claire's face as if she really didn't understand my last questions. "Because that's how it's always been. I've never been able to do anything right, not in my family, not in my relationships. I'm terrible at social norms and knowing what to do or say. I'm always messing everything up. Why wouldn't you be angry and correct me?"

"Claire," I breathed, her last words stabbing my gut and chest. Correct her? Why would she think I would hurt her? How could she believe it was what she should expect? "I know they mentally and verbally abuse you, but... Does your family physically abuse you too?"

She shook her head no, but I knew she was lying to me. "It's not like that."

"Then what is it like?" I asked, the ball of anger in my chest growing larger with each moment passing by. The evidence had been there, but I hadn't noticed until Christmas when it was blasted in front of me. I had known something was wrong in that house, but I thought I should wait for her to tell me herself. Now, I realized I should have just taken her from there the moment our engagement was announced.

"It's just... like... uhm... I just don't do things well, and they, uhm... It's not that bad though, and I–"

"You're not going back there ever," I told her, hatred for her family consuming my entire being.

Shock registered in her features. "What? W-what are you talking about? I have to go back now that Maria's wedding is over. If I don't..."

"If you don't, then what?" I inquired. "You're engaged to me, and we're to be married in five and a half months. Why wouldn't we move in together?"

"It... it's not proper," she mumbled. Sighing, her fearful eyes slowly returned to meet my questioning gaze. "Especially since we all know you need someone better as your partner and will eventually realize it and leave me. When you find someone else, someone better than me like Tara, then I'm going to look like a floozy. I'm already going to get in a lot of trouble for staying here overnight last night. I know that Karen saw me leave with you."

I cocked my head at her, the hidden clues behind her words starting to sink in. God, she had been this way from the beginning of our engagement, and instead of listening and giving her the attention she needed to grow comfortable enough to come to me for help, I had ignored her. I had ignored the signs, the silent cries, the hidden clues. If I had just treated her right from the start, I could have saved her sooner from that prison cell.

"We all know? Who is we? Your parents? Your sister? Who is filling your head with this bullshit? I'm not leaving you for anyone else. How can you be in trouble for actively participating in your own fucking engagement? You're mine, not theirs. You're moving in with me officially today."

Her chest rose and fell quickly as her breathing became more unsteady and panicked. The tears she had been holding back for so long finally fell as the life drained from her face. I pulled her face into my chest to hide the look of fear and panic on her face. It killed me to see her make that expression. I doubted she would open up fully to me so soon, but the abuse in that fucked up family must run deep. Why else would she react like this?

"R-Ryan, I c-can't m-move," she sobbed. "I'll be in s-so much t-trouble. P-please. They'll... They'll..."

"Why, Claire? What can they do? You're twenty-six years old and engaged to me. They have no power over you now."

She trembled in my embrace as she tightly grasped onto my shirt and buried her face against my chest. I made a mental note to dig into the history of the McKnights and figure out what had actually happened to her in their home. Once I had evidence of their abuse, their suffering would be tenfold of what they put her through.

I rubbed her back as she started to calm down. Her grip on my shirt loosened up as the sobs slowed. Finally, only a handful of sniffles remained. "I'm sorry," she whispered, refusing to pull her face from my chest. "I didn't mean to ruin your morning... or your shirt. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Stop apologizing," I said, kissing the top of her head. "You didn't ruin my morning, and I'm glad you did say something. You're my future wife, and you deserve to live in a home where you don't fear those around you. I just wish you had told me sooner. I swear, they will never harm you ever again. As for the shirt? Honestly, I was ready to take this thing off anyways."

The light tone of my voice seemed to relax her, though my insides felt anything but light and calm. She dared to glance up at me, her baby blue eyes even more vibrant than they had been earlier. I could see the wheels in her head turning as she contemplated my offer.

With bated breath, I waited for her answer. When it didn't come, I placed another soft kiss on her lips. Holding onto Claire tightly, I repeated my question. "Will you move in with me?"