Pen and paper

Chapter 10

Silence sustained its dominance for some time, our eyes reflecting each other's emotions...my sad numb eyes trying to find some hidden sympathy from her innocent doe eyes, she blinked breaking my trance...

My hand was still rested on the pillow holding the pen...I could read her eyes, there was outrage rather than sympathy.
She jolted herself away...stared at me with a hurtful face and yelled " So all you want to die for this... Made a fantastic plan, Book a room, buy a new gun...WOW!!!An extreme example of stupidity. BUT my ill fate, I bumped into in right time and you failed in your mission . Am I right?

Don't you feel shamed of dying for such a heartless girl? You are talented, self-made, mature and also have a sweet family...you have everything a normal person wants...which is still a dream for many. But ignoring all these things you expect to choose death because you can't get out from memories of a girl,The same girls who kicked you off like a useless thing from her life, who doesn't care about your existence, who is too selfish...Who doesn't deserve you or maybe anyone. "

I was shocked at her sudden change of behaviour. What's she wants to prove actually??

"What do you think? After your death...everything will be solved. No, Mr. PA.
Suicide is not the actual solution of your problem. Even suicide is not the solution of any problem...
What do you get by dying?? Peace ?? Then what about your family and friends after you gone... Maybe you are the only earning person in home...Have you ever visualized how miserable  their life will be without you?
So you want Your old parents, fell like a living hell after loosing a grown up son like you, your mother's affectionate heart scatter like mirror, she will live like a dead corpse, Your father who had ever dreamt his beautiful old age with your children, what's his pain while sitting on white attire on your funeral...
Does it really matters to you?? you want peace? Hn!! 
The selfless  love is always true and pure, that acts as your weapon to fight in hard days,never your weakness to kill yourself.
You know what, I feel so lucky...Why! Because even by approaching a wrong room and loosing everything, I saved a family on the edge of ruin.
You better know, how it feels when you loose someone or about to loose someone you love so much. You have experienced that pain, Naa, ?? Then why do you want to give the same pain to your family? "

I was watching at her without blinking. Her eyes moist and face full of rage.Yes , she was in pain, It's her pain and frustrations that coming out as words for me . But why she was so worried about me?? How it matters if I live or die? Why she looks so disappointed after listening my decision?? What I am to her?? A stranger, Her boss or Just a ONS partner....Why she is hurt for me?? That sex was just accidental ?? Naa? Then?? Does she feels for me as I?? Does she also hurt seeing me in pain as I?? Does she feel some unknown connection as I?? Do we sail in the same boat?? Is she falling for me?
Thousands of questions in my mind...I didn't know which one to call love ?? That I had felt for Nisha or that I was feeling for Naina?? So Had I been living in a lie so far?? And going to die for that lie?

"Ask me the amount of tragedy I have gone through...Even now, I am shivered  recalling the sense when I lost my father or whether I will be able to save my brother or not."

She finished the line erasing the tears from corner of her eyes.

"I know may you consider me nothing...but you just said that I saved your life. So I am the owner of the life you have now.Do consider it a warning or request or order But don't you dare to attempt suicide further. Heart break,tragedy, betrayal ; these are part of our life not the ends of life.We need to run,need to hope. My Papa used to say Don't worry much if you lost something good, what if you are destined for the best one.
So God has given you a second chance.If you don't need it yourself then use for them who values it. Be with your family, love your friends, help others...Try to live for them who lives for you. Just Once. Please. I am sure you can feel the difference..."

It says that Truth is bitter...What she  counseling was actually the facts that I had ignored... She made me realise where I was wrong?How worthless I felt myself on the eyes of others without analysing my own review ? Who was she?? Did God send her to save me from doing that crime??
I couldn't deny that neither anyone had claimed such rights on me nor comfort me this way. I like that ,someone I felt connected after so long : Honestly.
To completely understand her is difficult, has many shades. From a innocent girl to warrior and again to a angry teacher...But I loved her each shade.

Breaking my imagination in middle, she told  gazing at her pn. " oh no! I have to go. It's late. But remember my word. don't do that( pointing to the gun )"