You Must Know The Darkness To Appreciate The Light

🔆🌙 Chapter 16 🔆🌙

It was the day of the engagement ball, and maids and servants were scurrying around, in and out of my rooms and all through the palace.

I was sitting in my rooms, a book open on my lap and a cup of tea next to me, but both were forgotten as my mind wandered far away. My conversation with Genya earlier in the week had been troubling me  and I felt nervous being near the Darkling ever since.

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"I want to kill him."

Genya smiled. "That's exactly what I hoped you'd say. I can help with that."

I furrowed my brow, confused. "What do you mean? I wasn't serious!"

"But I am. You have the perfect chance to kill him. You can gain his trust and get close to him without being suspicious."

I stepped back, shock written on my face. "Genya, I can't do that!"

"Alina, you're our only hope for peace."

"No!" I paced the rug, running my hands through my hair. "No, no, I can't, no. I'm sorry."

Genya grabbed my hands, in her face a pleading look. "Why not? Please, Alina!"

I worried my lip, looking anywhere but at her. "If I did that, if I gain his trust only to kill him, I'd be no better than him!" The Darkling's words to me nearly a month ago rang clearly in my head, "Now who do you sound like? It's time to realize, Sankta, you're just like me."

Genya tenderly touched my face. "No, Alina, you'll never be like him. You are burdened, but you're not—nor will you ever be—cruel and twisted like he is. You have a valid reason to do this."

I placed my hand over hers against my cheek, my eyes closed as I considered what was before me. "I would be executed for treason."

"Nikolai will pardon you. It's a service to your country."

I chuckled bitterly. "That won't matter if Ivan crushes my heart or an oprichnik shoots me when they find their General dead."

"You can deal in them, you're the second most powerful Grisha in the world." She stroked her thumb over my face. "If you do this, you will be the most powerful, once the Darkling is gone."

I brushed her hand away from my face and stepped back again. "No, don't say that. I'm not doing this for the power. I'm doing this for my people."

Genya smiled, her face hopeful. "So you'll do it then?"

"I'll think about it."

"That's better than nothing, I suppose."

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I was brought out of my reverie by the grandfather clock behind me chiming half past four bells. The ball was supposed to begin at six bells, and I was still sitting in my robe by the fire, worrying over what to do in regards to the Darkling.

I didn't know if I had the courage to do it, but saints knew I wanted to. I thought of Baghra, sitting in her hut, "Why waste your strength fighting your true nature?"  She had been right. I was Alina Starkov, the Sun Summoner and Saint, Sol Koroleva. If I could cut the top off a mountain and lead an army, I could bring down a tyrant.

For Baghra, I thought. Though I'm not sure she would be happy that I avenged her by murdering her son.

A knock sounded outside and the door cracked open. "Alina?"

Genya poked her head around. "Ah, you're here, good." She opened the door the rest of the way, balancing a dress bag and her tailoring kit on one arm and various boxes on the other.