Alone

Part Twenty-Four

Lauren comes up to me and she's not happy. "How dare you?" she screams. "What's wrong with you? It's all your fault that Will is in the hospital. Why don't you stop ruining lives." She kicks me in the shin and scurries away.
I get more and more Will comments through out the day. I don't care. I just miss being able to smell my mother's vanilla scent and her warm green eyes reassuring me when I'm upset.
"What happened at the support group yesterday?" I ask.
"Well" she says. "At first they thought you killed yourself and got worried. Then I told them that you got sick so they were still worried but less. How are you feeling?"
"Better. Despite everyone hating me."
She looks at me with an intense stare. "I like you."
I force a smile. "I know." Except I don't.
We go into class and sit there reading.
"Annie clutches Derek's hand as they decide to face this head on. She knew something was going to happen."
"Rowan" calls my teacher. "Samantha. Could you come out dears?" We walk all the way out and I see she's worried. We just got news that Kzwana committed suicide last night."
It hits me as if the past couple months deciding to come all at once. As if I've been pelted with shots. Kzwana committed suicide. My friend committed suicide. My friend killed himself. I break out into tears. The horrible, terrible people at his cruel school drove him to the point where he decided and took the risk of ending him. He's gone and he can't come back.
I look at Sam who is also crying. "He wrote about you two in his journal. He wrote about you Rowan before he left." She hands me a leather bound book. "You two may skip class and go to the library."
We nod not being able to speak and I take the journal. We sit down in some big leather chairs that squeak when you shift your weight.
I decide to read. "Today I met Rowan, Sam, and Will. Despite having everyone hate me at my school they seem amazing. They're kind and supporting and even offered me to come to their school but if they're being picked while they're so cool. I'd be picked on even more. I hate myself, I really do. I guess Rowan is the only reason I'm still alive. That she expects me to always be there and I like the feeling of being needed. In a way I guess I love the three of them even though I just met them. I just hope I don't get betrayed. Maybe I will get to be happy once again. Its dated two days ago."
"Here's the one for yesterday. Will and Rowan weren't there today. She broke her promise. The promise that she'd always be there. Scratch everything I said about liking her. I hate her for sure. I shouldn't have trusted her. After all who would like me. A black African that can barley talk. I should end it. My life that is. It's the best thing to do."
I put down the book wiping the tears from my eyes. It's my fault Kzwana is dead. My fault his family is in pain now. Is this how bullies feel when the victim is gone? I run out of school all the way home to go to my mom. Mom. What mom? I have no mom anymore. The realization stops me dead in my tracks. In the middle of the road.
My mom is dead. Will is sick and Kzwana is dead all because of me.
I should go back to school. I turn around and see a red sports car driving straight towards me at 100 km/h. The next moment is all black.