𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 𝐉𝐀𝐇𝐒𝐄𝐇 .

chapter 18

i'm alone

laying in bed

it's late at night

it's just me and my thoughts

alone

(tw: if you are sensitive to cutting etc skip this part)

why am i here?

why am i alive?

what did i ever do to deserve any of this

why couldn't i have a normal life like everyone else

i hate it here

who wouldn't ?

(please if you ever feel like this my messages are open , i'm always available to talk)

i got up and made my way over to the kitchen

since the hotel he booked me had a living room and a kitchen space

i open the utensil drawer revealing knifes, forks and spoons.

i grab the sharpest knife i could find and hissed in pain as i cut three lines on my wrist in a row.

i grabbed a wet paper towel and cleaned up the blood that dripped down my wrist.

i mean nobody cares about me right?

so why should it matter?

fuck him

fuck my mom.

just fuck everything and everyone

i wrapped my wrist in bandages and went back over to the bed.

i then closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

-

"why catherine"

my eyes flutter open to a bright sun coming in the room and a food smell.

i turn my head to look next to me. it was jahseh. great.

"why what jahseh"

"your arm cathy"

shit he noticed

"you aren't even supposed to be here. leave me alone"

"good thing i came. why are you cutting cathy" he says seriously with no emotion on his face.

i sit up turning to actually face him

"seriously? why am i cutting? you really can't be serious"

"i'm as serious as serious can get" he says finally turning to me

"nobody wants me here jahseh. i hate it here. i just want to be normal. what the fuck did i ever do to my mom to deserve any of this. she just gave me up like it was nothing. and you just took me like it was nothing. what if she gave me up to a man who would've been beating me and raping me everyday. then what, she doesn't care. there's no point of me being here." i reply looking down

he grabs my hand softy "i want you here cathy. i honestly shouldn't have taken you but i honestly ain't want you to get treated worst at home or get handed to someone else that treated you bad. you can live normal. go back to school. do what you want, i never took you to take away your life. i took you to try to give you better with life. stop cutting. there's a lot you don't know about me but yes i used to cut too." he pulls up his sleeve showing me his scars.

"they do nothing but leave scars and pass on pain to others. stop cutting please."

"listen if nobody got you, i do. even if you decide to leave and be with someone else. i'll always be here." he says grabbing my face making me look at him.

thinking about it. he was right.

my mom could've gave me to someone else. worse

who else did i really have besides him?

"i-i"

i tried talking but nothing came out but tears

he pulls me into a hug "it's okay, let it out, im sorry for everything i've ever put you through"

i sniffle and wipe the tears off my cheeks "it's okay, you helped me in a way, i'll stay but i want to go to school and do the normal things i would usually do"

"okay that's fine ma. you can have and do whatever you want" jahseh says hugging me tighter.

i look up at him which made us lock eyes.

he leans down and we connect lips

"i love you cathy"

"i love you too jah"

hey guys ! i ain't update in a minute but i'm on winter break soooo ima be way more consistent now.

sorry for the short chapter but i knew i had to update with something

any ideas?

was cathy right for forgiving jah?