JJ Maybank x Fem Reader One Shots

Depressed (TW)

Before I write this, it is going to be very detailed about things that are going on in my life right now, and I'm going to be relating Covid with the show, because that's where a lot of my current issues come from.. It will start off by me ranting about things happening using "I" and my name, and then it will transition into an actual imagine and JJ being there for me (but it'll be Y/N) now if that makes sense. This was really just a way for me to get things off my chest, but writing these has helped me escape reality that's why I am doing this. This is going to be upsetting to read, so please if you can't handle it don't read it. The whole thing is literally a giant trigger warning. The TW for this are anxiety, depression, self harm, alcoholism, and miscarriage

Fourteen deaths. Fourteen deaths I've had between family and friends this year. Fucking COVID-19 ruined everything. Aunts, uncles, cousins, a second father figure, and my brother in law. On top of it, my dad was thrown into jail days before my Thanksgiving. My dad who I was finally connecting with, finally spending time with. He was caught one too many times with unregistered vehicles, DUIs, carrying weed, and not having a license. About 2 1/2 months ago on his birthday, he went to the bar and got drunk and crashed into a gas station sign and ripped it out of the concrete.

He had a court date, but one night past midnight a police officer knocked on the door asking where he was, and my mom said he wasn't home. They had come with a warrant for his arrest regarding the court dates he had missed. He was going to turn himself in the day after we had our early Thanksgiving (we always do it before so family can go to other families houses). He was moving his car around to the back of the house that Sunday, so family could park in the front. The cops just happened to be driving down the road. He was also drinking that morning, a beer in his cup holder. My mom and aunt screamed at them to wait and that we were having our whole family over today. (Mind you I was at work for 5:30AM) and I didn't find this out until I had gotten home around 12.

I was torn apart. I had gotten home and my mom said "Desiree. We need to tell you something, put  your things down. The cops came by today and took your father." Tears rolled down my cheeks and I looked over at the coffee I made him with Dad❤️ drawn on it. I started hyperventilating, struggling to breathe. I then went on with my day pushing myself away from the family at the party. Fast forward to not even 3 weeks later. My older sisters fiancée died from Covid at 32 years old. The worst part? They are expecting a child in April. I wanted to be there for her but she's already terrified of Covid, and now even more. Out of all my siblings she was going to be the first to have a child.

My first time being an aunt and having a nephew. And I can't even be there for her. 2 ish weeks later is the funeral, which I go to. I walked in and there was pictures and collages of him and everyone he knew. The second picture shown when you walked in is a huge picture of him and my sister. I couldn't breathe and I started sobbing hysterically, feeling the room cave in as I tried walking outside. Once I calmed down I went and talked to my sister who was broken down and barely talking. I went to hug her but due to Covid she said "please just stay away." After awhile of talking, I walked over to his urn. I told him thank you for being such a good man to her, and that he would've been a great father. "I'll be there for them as much as I can." I had said. What a great Christmas present, a funeral a week before. My dads not here for her, and he won't be here for anyone at Christmas. I can't even visit him because of Covid, and his court date isn't until the second week of January, so I don't even know how long he will be there. I'm falling apart faster and faster and there's nothing I can do about it. The depression and anxiety medicine I was taking made me nauseous so I had to stop. I've turned to smoking and drinking as a way to cope.

———Now to JJ being there for Y/N———

You haven't been hanging out with the rest of the Pogues for the past month or so due to the fucking pandemic, and because you've been in a really bad depressive episode. You barely even saw your boyfriend JJ. You love talk talking to him about things, but you feel bad talking to him about your father because his is a piece of shit. Same with Sarah, and John B- well his dad is dead. That left Pope and Kiara to talk to about your father, but even then you just felt like a burden, so you kept your mouth shut. When it all first happened, you called JJ having a panic attack and he left work to calm you down. You told the rest of the Pogues but acted like it didn't bother you. The most you said was "It's better for him to be there than to hurt others or himself while driving intoxicated."