Fill Me Up

Part 2

His apartment wasn't much. It was on the poorer side of town and the buildings seemed as though they had been there for decades considering how there were bricks missing and the stairs looked about ready to collapse. I climbed them anyway to reach the door leading into the small interior of the apartment. Inside was mostly empty except for a small couch and a couple of plastic chairs here and there with an old tv sitting on a dull, decaying wooden table near the far wall of the tiny living room- if you can even call it that. There was one single picture in a gold colored, plastic frame next to the door. In it was a kind looking woman, three girls, the boy standing beside me (who had introduced himself as Zayn in the car) and a man. There was something not right with this picture, I wasn't sure what but it was definitely something off about it. I decided to lock that in the back of my mind as I followed him further into his home.

"My mums at work, she usually doesn't get home until morning and my sisters are all staying at one if their friends house after school so we have the house to ourselves."

I didnt know what to say so I settled for a small nod and a "Cool." I had no idea how to act around him, I didn't know him yet he seemed to have already uncovered a secret people I've known for years couldn't. And Zayn knowing wasn't exactly helping me relax around him. My hands shook deep inside my pockets where I had stuffed them once I noticed them trembling on my lap in the car, my eyebrows stayed pulled in a worried manner as my mind drifted to think over what could be spoken to resonate inside the small apartment walls.

I was shaken out if my thoughts by a hand placed gently on my shoulder from where I was still inspecting the picture. I traced it back to Zayn who's lips twitched up into a small smile and I could help but return it.

He tilted his head towards the hall, "Wanna go to my room, I think you'd feel more comfortable talking about this there" fear washed over me, this was really happening. This had all felt like a sick, twisted dream up until his suggestion where I felt as if a truck had just hit me square in the chest. "Umm... of course y-you dont have to talk about it but... I-I just thought you want someone to listen or I mean we could do something else if you're, like, not ok wit-"

"Hey, its fine. I just-I'm a bit nervous." I managed a small smile at the end and it seemed to relieve the tension. His shoulders relaxed and his eyes softened, it seemed as if he knew what I was going through. It felt as if we were on the same page. Strange.

His hand slid down my shoulder to fit perfectly in mine and he mirrored my smile. I had a sudden urge to hug him, maybe because he seemed to care when no one else did or maybe it was because of the spark I felt which replaced the fear and emptiness I was so use to. Maybe both. Either way, I threw my arms around his neck in a swift motion, causing me to sway forward and our chests to bump against each other.

I stayed there for a beat but when I didn't feel the pressure of Zayn's hand on my back I pulled back to see if I had crossed the line. And damn, did I leap well passed that line.

His soft smile was long gone, his mouth instead gaping open. His tall frame was vibrating with how hard he was trembling. His eyes glazed over, far from where we were standing in the sitting room of this small apartment in London. Silent tears streaked his cheeks.

I took a step back, uncertain of what I should do. 'Think, Horan, think! He's having a bloody panic attack!' Wait, panic attack, my anxiety causes those all the time.

I step closer to him and wrap him in my arms, slower this time considering my speed was what caused this, lowering us to the ground where I was able to console him better. I thought through what I usually did to calm myself down but that consisted of cutting so I went with my insticts instead.

I maneuvered myself infront of him so that Zayn was looking at me, or so I presumed since he still had the same far away look in his eyes. I cupped his face softly and stroked his cheeks with my thumbs, the soft whimpers escaping his parted lips making me want to never let him go. "Shh, its ok. Everything is going to be alright, I promise. Can you breath for me, Zayn? Please breath, c'mon match my breath," he wasnt responding. He was about to hypervente and I wasn't calming him down. I connected our foreheads, "Please, Zayn, please come back." I almost started panicking with him but that would help our case so I stepped farther out of my comfort zone and started to kiss all over him; his cheeks, his nose, his jaw.