I Saw It Coming.

6: The Heart Is Fickle.

Why is the heart so fickle?
Why is it so difficult to control feelings?
Do you know the strangest thing about the heart?

-It's tricky.
It's bitter yet so sweet. The feeling you get from it can be so pleasant and can be miserable when it wants to.

Some say heartbreak is an inevitable feeling, most have gone through it. But I believe everyone has to go through heartbreak in this world.
Some feel lucky when they marry their first love without any heartbreak and the experience of dating one guy after the other but that same woman would be crying 10years later over a flirty text on her husband's phone.

The mistake I made was thinking I could play when I've never played. You can't except to win when you missed all the rules.

My aim to was captivate Abdayn but I ended up being bewitched. I'm in a spot where I don't even know whether he loves me or not. One thing led to another he and I ended up having sex. I'm not a good person and I know that much but it hurts so much.

Sometimes he seems so sincere and almost says things but then he takes it back. He thinks I'm with him for my personal reasons that I don't really like him but I'm scared of actually telling him I love him, I don't want him to leave, hurt me.

I got his attention whenever I ignore him and sometimes I tell myself I'll keep ignoring him but I eventually end up giving in and then he stays quiet. I want to ignore him again, just like I did when I wasn't interested but it's difficult. I want to let go of our memories but I'm afraid I'll lose it forever.

He talks about other girls, he had another girl on his wallpaper so I put a stranger on mine to make him feel what I felt but did he really feel it?
He didn't even save my contact as someone close to him and that hurt as hell. I'm hurt.
Is this how loving someone feels like?

Thinking about what he's doing.
If he's thinking about me.
Afraid to call him.
Wishing he'd text back.
I hate this feeling.

We did things my religion sees as Zina and I'm scared, so bad. But when I'm with him I can't think straight. I make dumb decisions. It always feels like I'm not in control of myself. I want be with him but I'm someone who stupidly cares what people think.

All I think about is our moments together and dumb scenarios.

How can I stop all this?
It hurts.
It really hurts badly.

Does he really love me or am I just like every other girl?
Do I even mean anything to him or am I just a girl he has fun with?
I even miss having fun with him.
He knows the true me, I don't need to pretend like I do with everyone else but it's even more scary that he does.

I think I've fallen for this man.
I want to seen him but I'm scared I'd still make the same dumb mistakes.

I never should have played the game.
I tried my best not to get hurt but like I said heartbreak is inevitable.

::

"What's up with you today?" Abdayn asks.
He came to see me in Miruna's house.
I smile.

"Sophie, tell me"
"Do you actually care?"

He just stares at me.
"Do you actually care if something is bothering me?"

"Of course I do, you're my girlfriend and I care about you" he says moving closer.
I nod.
"So tell me what's wrong"

"Did you know Thabit liked Miruna?"
He starts laughing. "Thabit doesn't like Miruna, he never even knew she existed until I told him about her"
"Are you sure?"

"What? Is Miruna interested in him?"
I shake my head.
He huffs in frustration "Will you please be vocal? Is it that you're scared of her?"

"Nope, more of your reaction"
"To what?"
"The fact that she and Thabit are now dating"

He looks at me suspiciously. "No, I don't think so".
"Who do you think started changing your friend? The reason you can't skip work now or the reason he's always not available for you?"

He stays quiet.
"Where is she now?"
I smirk "What? Are you planning on crying to her for not choosing you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"
I stand getting more irritated by the second.
"I'm having a migraine, I need to sleep".

"What's with you today?" He asks annoyed.
"Reality, the fine reality that you don't really care about me"

I didn't want to talk about it and sitting there with him, he'll want an explanation.

"You can leave whenever" I walk out.

::

Thabit's  POV.

I hand the file over to Josephine "Make sure you give this to my father when he's back".

She smiles "Are you still avoiding him?"
She and I were in the same class in the university and then coincidentally she came here looking for a job, I know how qualified she is so I hired her on the spot.

"I'm avoiding destroying my mood".
"Okay then but he'll ask for you, you're aware right?"

I nod "Then I'll go see him, what other choice do I have?"
She opens the door about to walk out.
"Joe!" I call her, she turns around "Tell Tahir to come see me".

"Okay" she walks out.

.

"Heyyo" Tahir says when he walks in, closing the door behind him.
He sits on the couch across me. "You called for me".

"It's almost closing time, do you have somewhere you want to be?"
"I was working when you called"

"No I mean after you're through"
He shakes his head. "Not—" He gets caught off when someone barges in.

I raise my head and see Abdayn standing by the door, looking pissed.
I stare at him.
"Are you really dating Miruna?"

Tahir looks at me shocked, waiting for my answer.
"Yes, so?"

He huffs "You knew I had a thing for her"
Tahir makes an 'o' with his mouth, looking like he was enjoying the show.

"Like you said 'had' and you're dating her friend, why does that matter?"
"I like her"

He says walking in.
"You're dating her friend. Miruna doesn't like you, at all"

He scowls "Is this how little our friendship meant to you?"
"No. You never a crap about it, it only existed because you benefitted from it"

He stays quiet "So you're throwing it away over a girl?"
I shake my head "Well I don't mind still being friends because she and I have been seeing each other while still being friends with you. This just depends on you"

He looked furious "Don't think I'll sit quietly" he storms out.

Tahir scoffs "That was intense" he looks at me "You're dating Miruna? When? How? Wait!—How didn't I know about it?"

"Are you going somewhere after work?" I ask ignoring his question.

He smiles "Even if I was, not anymore. Why?"
"I want to order"

"Pounded yam?"
"Okay".

::

::