When A Soldier Loves

4: Anger Venting

He would say that they both were relieved when the cars had no space left and after they had buried the body of her father, she had no other way to get her to Maiduguri but through their car. That was easier, because that way, he would know the refugee camp she had been taken to. She was still kneeling in front of the grave of her father as she made no sound, nor were there tears now rolling down to her cheeks, it seemed as though she had finally gotten tired of crying or she simply was in denial of all that was happening to her.

"Let's go," he spoke and waited. His other soldiers were already in the vehicle and they were waiting for them. It seemed to him that she didn't hear him, but it was dark now, and there were no other voices around for him to say that she was carried away by a different sound.

Na'im crouched down to her level and watched the way she was softly fondling the sand that now covered the face of her father and it would be that way, forever. She might not be able to come back here to pray for him ever again, and he wondered how terrified he would be if it were his father laying beneath the surface of earth. How he was certain the reality of everything would crush not just his heart, but his entire being.

"Look here," he called out, and the voice he had used on her left no room for her to act nonchalant to what he was saying. She looked up at him, her eyes mixed with the sheer agony she felt deep within her heart that he knew, she might not be able to describe what she was feeling ever in her life. He looked away from her eyes, somehow, he felt unnerved by those two universes that stared back at him with nothing but pain and innocence.

"You have to get up so we can leave. Do you want the insurgents to come back here and kill us all?" He didn't know how else to speak to a girl like her. He had had nephews and nieces and the voice he used in speaking with them was the same he used in speaking to her. Even though Na'im knew clearly his voice didn't sound as soft or comforting as she might want it to, at the moment.

She turned around the vast, yet empty field that had now being trademarked with death and bloodshed before she turned her eyes back to the grave and mournfully, she spoke. "May Allah have mercy on your soul, Baaba. I pray you get united with Mama in Jannah." He was the one that asked her to pray for her mother this way since the day she died, and Maryam couldn't believe that she was praying for him today, too.

She stood up and with one last glance at the grave, and walked to where she saw the car. He followed behind her as she walked. This time, she didn't care whether he was going to kill her or take her away like he had done to Intisar. She just wanted to get herself together so she would be able to ask him to take her to wherever he took her sister. He might as well have them locked together in the same cell or something.

Three pairs of eyes stared back at her and she wanted to recoil back to the fetus she once was. They were total strangers to her, he was too-but at least for him, Baaba had said that he was her husband and even though she knew he was a dangerous one, Baaba had entrusted her to him and it seemed a bit comforting. But these men were holding guns that terrified her and they were staring right into her eyes.

She knew that look. It was the look everyone in Magumeri flashed her whenever they saw the colors of her eyes. It was the look that came first before the touch to see if she was really human. She took a step back before they made the attempt to touch her, frantically and she thought, if there was a way to escape from these men. Then she thought, the earlier she died the better it would be for her. And she might as well be buried beside Baaba and if she was lucky enough, she would be united with her parents in Jannah too.

She turned back and set to ran off when strong arms kept her in place and forcefully turned her towards the direction of the vehicle. She wriggled out of his touch with all the strength she had left in her, as darkness loomed over her eyes and she wondered where she would head to even if she was successful in running away. She might as well bump into the real insurgents that raided and killed her father.