Chapter 15: Out of Context Quotes

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Bruce, catching Ellie drinking chocolate syrup from the bottle: What are you doing, missy?
Ellie, age 2: I sip on the sauce!

Bruce: Do you want a brother?
Jaz, age 3, shakes head: no
Bruce: Do you want another sister?
Jaz shakes head: Noooo
Bruce: What do you want then?
Jaz: ... Pizza Rolls.

Bruce, picking up a sobbing Tia: Why are you crying, Princess?
Tia, wailing: Because you told me don't shake my butt

Bruce, exhausted: Why did you make that big mess in the kitchen?
Dahlia, age 3: why not?

Jaz, waving goodbye from Alfred's arms: You be a good fart machine today!
Bruce, pulling on his jacket: You be a good fart machine today.


Bruce, picking up Dahlia from Pre-school: Dahlia, I missed you today
Dahlia: NO YOU DIDN'T


Tia, wearing Selina's blonde wig: What is your PROB-A-LEM?!
Bruce: I don't have a PROB-A-LEM.


Selina, looking at Dahlia: Say love you to Tia
Dahlia: *blinks then runs off with a teddy bear*
Tia looks up at Selina with an utter frown: Or not.


Ellie and Jaz ride in the back seat of the car. Bruce drives while Selina records the toddler and child from the passenger seat.
Ellie, age 5: Gonna behave?
Jaz: No way!
Ellie: Well, fine then, I'll behave.


Tia, grabbing Selina's hand and taking her to the playroom: there's a monster in my room *points to couch*
Selina: On the couch there? That's a monster?
Tia, pointing at Dahlia: That's the monster
Selina: Are you sure that's not your sister?
Tia: She's not my sister. It's a monster.


Jaz, stubbing her toe on her crib: WHAT THE BLEEP?!


Bruce, driving with Shadow in the backseat: What do you want to eat, Shadow?
Shadow, age 8, never had fast food before but watches tv late at night: HOOTERS.
Bruce: What?
Shadow, deadly serious: Must stop ... at Hooters.


Bruce, lighting a birthday candle for Tia: How old are you turning today, Tiara?
Tia, confused: um... 40?
Bruce, ignoring Clark's laughing: How old?
Tia, confidently: 40.


Selina, in the drive-thru with Ellie and Tia: What do you from Starbucks, Tia?
Tia, in the backseat, slowly: A vanilla bean crap-a-chino... with whipped cream on top and a pink cake pop for Ellie.


Bruce: Do you love Daddy?
Jaz, eating a cookie: No... I love Chwis Evans.
Bruce: Do you love Lina?
Jaz: No....no. I love Chwis Evans.


Bruce, exhausted: So if that's Lina's spoon of cookie dough, why are you licking it?
Jaz, pouting as Bruce tries to take it from her: Because no... DON'T TAKE IT, DADDY! I SAID DON'T TAKE IT, DADDY! DON'T TAKE IT FWOM ME!
Bruce, giving up: Jazlyn...
Jaz, glaring: Don't take it, daddy. You might... get... hurt.
*Selina cackling in the background*


Selina, carrying Jaz into Bruce's office: Let's let daddy decide.
Jaz: Kay!
Bruce, taking Jaz from Selina and placing her in his lap: Yes?
Jaz, very seriously: I want chocolate milk.... And whiskey


Bruce, teasingly: Ellie, you're very bossy today.
Ellie, age 4: IM NOT BOSSY! I HAVE BASIC SKILLS!


A/N: I DO NOT OWN THESE QUOTES, THEY ARE FROM YOUTUBE KIDS COMPILATIONS

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