NICKNAMES [1], jj maybank

CHAPTER 5

   JJ sighs and starts thinking about other things I've done. I hit the blunt again, my fingers start to feel fizzy. Like pins and needles. I didn't mind the feeling though, I wonder what would happen if I let my whole body go numb?

Obviously it's not numb though because I feel JJ slap my knee.

"I got one! When we were at that party and the dude was in my face—" He starts laughing "—You took a glass and smashed it in his head," My eyes widen at my own actions that I have no recollection of ,"He was bleeding—" JJ looks at me and stops.

    I feel my heart speeding up and I grab my own wrist to try to slow my heartbeat down. I've never really had a panic attack over actions I wasn't aware of but between being high and just now learning I smashed a glass over someone's head, I think my body is freaking out more than I am. "Sam, you don't remember this? You weren't even drunk, how do you not know?" JJ rests a hand on my knee.

I don't even know how to answer his question so I just shrug. I've been wanting to tell The Pogues of these blackouts I get but the letter from earlier popped back in making the urge to tell him go away.

JJ looks concerned, the blunt in his hand slowly burning. Weed smoke flowing throughout the stars again. "I guess I just—have a shitty memory," I come up with some random theory to calm JJ which seems to work a bit.

   His face relaxes and he hit the blunt like I did before. I shift a bit on my spot on the roof, "Why don't you stop me? From doing these things?" Him saying that me unhinged was entertaining for him made me feel weird. "I do! To be fair, I had no idea you were going to smash a glass over his head," He throws his hands up in defense ,"You came from behind me and next thing I know he's screaming, you're laughing and he's bleeding. We all panicked and dragged you out."

That made me feel a bit better but I still have no memory of this. Ever since JJ stopped me from beating Amelia, Ava and Elaine up with a pole, he's seen me as a crazy fuck. He's never told me but I just know it. Then again, this is the same JJ that is exactly like me. I'm just a bit more sarcastic.

JJ and I both just throw fists. We mostly do it for our friends if we're both being honest. We both know how it feels to want to be protected but have the person that was supposed to protect us, be the one to hurt us so badly. Now, we have a constant eye on each other. "Can you stop me? When it looks like it'll get bad?" God, I want to tell him so badly. But Jessie and Simon.

They weren't best friends and the situation was closer to Adrien and I but what if JJ left me when I got too crazy or officially broke down?

   "Haven't I always? That's the whole reason we're sitting up here. I stopped you from killing those Kooks."

I roll my eyes, "Murder wasn't in the plans."

The blunt is officially done. There is no more smoke.

Only red eyes and the moon with the stars.

We sit in silence for a bit before I hear the backyard gate open. JJ and I both hear it but he's closer to see who it is so he peers over.

"What the fuck?" He whispers so aggressively and quickly gets up. "Who is it?" I stand up and try to go see as I hear footsteps. I can't though because JJ puts his arm out to stop me from going any farther. "Go inside."

"What? Why—"

"Just go. I'll be there in a second." I cross my arms over my chest. "I can handle whatever it is—"

"Sam—"

   Fuck. With the use of my name I go inside through my window. I check my other windows that show the driveway and see no one is home besides my brother and I. If it's a robber—JJ would've been inside already finding a weapon with me. A million possibilities run through my head and in the back of my head, it always went back to Adrien.