Motherhood - Billie Eilish

chapter 38

Tories POV:

She looked at me, shocked I just swore on madelines life. "Okay, I believe you." She mumbled out. "Thank you." I sighed. "So you swear you di-"

"Jesus christ, billie! Get out!" I said pointing towards the door. "Im sorry!" She said holding her arms up in defence. She wasn't sorry though, she never is! "Just leave." I mumbled with my face in my hands.

I restricted any tears that even dared to fall. Im sick of crying. Its ridiculous.

I heard her footsteps come towards me. She pulled my hands away from my face and held them for a few seconds as she looked me in the eyes. "Im sorry, torie." She said quietly and let go. I watched her walk out of the living room and down the hall, hearing the front door close just seconds later.

"Fuck!" I whispered as my voice cracked.

———

The next day rolled around. I sat at the table, staring reluctantly at the toast on my plate. Just looking at it made me feel ill. I'm really not in the mood to throw up.

I took the toast and cut it into smaller pieces, giving it to madeline. "Tank you momma." She said softly. I smiled at her innocent face and kissed her cheek.

Today me and madeline are going out to a nearby cafe for some food. The same cafe I happened to meet billie in actually. I sighed at the thought and picked up my beautiful baby. I don't have to go to work until later, thank god. I opened the front door and put maddy down, holding her hand as she ate the piece of toast.

We walked down the stairs together and headed out of the apartment complex. The walk there was peaceful. Madeline pointed out almost every bird or animal she saw. We eventually got there and I let madeline choose anything on the menu. Her birthday is in just a couple days so she's been getting extra special treatment.

"Cookie!" She pointed at the double chocolate, heart shaped cookie covered in red icing. The same one she picked the day I was too broke to afford one.

"Can I just have the heart cookie and a cup of hot chocolate please?" I asked the man standing before me. "Of course, that'll be $5.50 please." He requested. I opened my purse and handed him the money. He put it in the cash register and grabbed madelines cookie while I waited for my hot chocolate.

After two minutes or so he was finally done and handed it to me. I thanked him and went to find a seat. I found a spare table towards the back of the cafe and sat madeline on the chair across from me. "Here you go, missy." I smiled and handed her the cookie. "Tank you." She said and took it out of the bag eagerly.

I drank my hot chocolate and watched madeline dance to the music that softly played in the background as she ate. "Its mine and yours birthday very soon, huh." I smiled at her. My 20th is gonna be in 4 days and madelines is a week. Im really not planning on doing anything special, just relaxing at home. Maybe I'll invite Chelsea and the others over. Who knows.

I heard loud laughter of a man coming through the door and I turned to head, only to see finneas and Claudia. How sweet. Im guessing finneas knows we're broken up. Billie tells absolutely everything to fin.

I watched them sit just a few tables up from me in a little booth. Claudia sat opposite of finneas, but I could only see Claudia. They hadn't seen me so I decided to just keep it that way. I'm too exhausted for interaction.

The bell that hung above the door made a little ring noise and I turned around only to see the one person I dreaded seeing. Billie.

"Im here, im here, stop fucking texting me dude." She mumbled as she walked past me. She hadn't even noticed me. She sat beside Claudia so she was completely facing my way.

I didn't try to, but it was almost impossible to not stare at her every move. The way she picked up her phone, or flipped her hair to the side, or scratched her lil button nose.

She didn't look any happier than me tho. She sat there just listening to finneas and claudias conversation, checking her phone every couple minutes. She looked ethereal as always though. Dressed in a pair of dark blue and white jordans, black sweatpants with "STOP LOOKING AT MY DICK" on them and a black hoodie. It was so simple but she was just so pretty. Her hair was in a messy bun and had clearly been freshly died blue.

"Mommy" madeline said, pulling me out of my thoughts. She pointed to my drink and smacked her lips. "You want some?" I asked her. She nodded and clapped her hands. I smiled at her and stood up to grab a little cup for her. "Stay here, okay?" I said making her giggle.

I walked up to the counter and asked for a small cup politely. As he handed it to me I turned around, just to see madeline was gone. "Fuck." I whispered in panic. I looked around, unable to spot her.

"Beelee!" She giggled loudly. I looked over in billies direction and saw maddy in her arms. Of course. I walked placed the cup on my table and over awkwardly. "Sorry." I mumbled, taking madeline from her.

"Hey, torie! We didn't know you'd be here." Finneas smiled sweetly at me. "Ditto." I forced a smile. "Why don't you sit with us?" Finneas asked. So she hasn't told him..

"Oh, no thank you. Im in a rush to get home." I lied. I could feel billies eyes lingering on me, buring holes into my skin. It was making me nervous. My palms were all sweaty and shit. "Okay, well it was good seeing you." He spoke. "You too." I half grinned and began to walk away. Before I could walk any more than 3 steps billie grabbed my wrist. "Wait." She said.

I turned around to face her and looked down at her hand on my wrist. "Nevermind." She mumbled and let go.

A/N:

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