you raise me up || harry potter

chapter 67

Ron sat back and gave a low whistle, eyes still as wide as saucers. "I didn't even know that was legal."

"I have to go to Dumbledore's office to give it back today," she said. "I'm supposed to get it back next term, but honestly... it was more trouble than it was worth. I was exhausted all the time and I was losing my mind half the time trying to keep track of where and when I was supposed to be and making up excuses for when different people would contradict each other about where I had been a particular time." 

She gave a big sigh. "I can't keep this up," she said wearily. "I thought a couple times about giving up, but I decided to hold out until the end of the year, especially after all that trouble McGonagall went through to get this for me. But no more."

Harry gave her a grin. "Good for you," he said. 

Hermione raised her eyebrows tiredly. "You think?"

"Yeah," he said. "Sometimes the things you think are best aren't the things that are good for you. You know? You gotta think of yourself sometimes."

Hermione considered this. "Maybe you're right," she said. 

"And now maybe you won't walk around looking like a raccoon all the time," Ron chimed in.

Hermione's hands flew up to her face as she shrank back, self-conscious. Harry pinched Ron's arm. "What?" Ron demanded.

"Haven't you heard?" Harry said, pointing to his own eye bags. He hadn't been as tenacious as Hermione, but he'd had his fair share of overnighters. "Raccoon eyes are the latest trend. If you don't have one, it means you're dumb. Want me to get you a mirror, Ron?"

"Hey!" Ron complained, swatting at Harry. "You calling me dumb?"

Hermione, much to Harry's relief, giggled. 

They all flopped onto the grass, staring up at the sky. It was a cloudless day, and the sky was such a deep and bottomless blue that it felt as though Harry was falling into it. 

"I have a confession, too," Harry said. "You guys can't tell anyone about this either."

"Alright," Hermione and Ron said in union. 

"I'm not going back to the Dursley's this summer," Harry said after a moment's hesitation.

Both his friends looked confused. 

"Why not?" Ron asked. 

Harry's heart began to beat faster. The more he tried to tamp it down, the more it raced. He sat up and squinted out across the Great Lake, trying to find words. 

"It wasn't the best place for me," he finally said. "They don't like magic, see... and they don't like me."

Ron looked astonished; Hermione looked profoundly sad. Both these reactions made Harry's stomach turn with embarrassment and shame. He knew Ron had a large family that he complained about often, and probably never even thought about what it would feel like if he didn't have any of them. Hermione was an only child, but spoke fondly of her parents. Neither of them could understand what it was like to live your entire life unwanted and unloved. 

"You never told us," Ron protested. "I would've asked you to come to my house every summer if I knew—"

Hermione nudged Ron. "I'm sure Harry was waiting until he was ready to tell us," she said firmly. Harry gave her a shaky, grateful smile.

"So... where are you going?" Ron asked. "Seriously, mate, we'd take you in... what's one more brother?"

Harry gave him a smile. "I appreciate that more than you know, Ron," he said. "Thank you. But... I'm going somewhere else."