what more can i say | rini au

15.

Sitting on the couch again, cat curled up in her lap, Nini's feeling a bit overwhelmed by more than just the smell of Ricky's sweatshirt she's borrowing.

This was too much. It was all far too much for her right now. Even with Gina taking the time to text her, she can't say she feels entirely solid about the idea of not talking to Ricky about what she heard.

She hasn't decided yet what she plans to do, but when he comes home from hanging out with the guys, maybe she'll bring it up then. Or well- Gina said she talked to Ricky... So maybe Ricky would bring it up?

Regardless, she's less concerned than she was when she first heard those words which sent her into a bit of a tailspin, and less set on telling the boy she loves that his ex has potentially moved on with the guy she told him not to worry about...

And well- that sounds worse than it apparently was.

But is the story true? Nini wants badly to believe Gina. She thinks she does believe her. But she also loves Ricky. Wants Ricky to be able to make his own choices as to this situation. As to what to do, what to believe. He needs to be able to believe in his own desires, his own opinions. She knows he struggled to choose to end things with Gina, and as his friend she wants him to feel sure in his choices.

As someone hopelessly in love with her best friend she wants him to be able to maybe, one day, if she's lucky, be able to choose her and choose her freely.

There is a sense of deja vu she gets as she hears her phone buzz and she sees Ricky's name light up on the screen. This happens quite often for her, him texting and asking to meet up at the skate park. Given the late hour and the nature of the situation (him having already spent the day skating with the boys), she knows he wants to meet there to talk. Where better than their bench for this conversation.

Nini can't help the small smile that breaks onto her face despite her current state of relative distress over the combined information she's received in the last few hours.

She's still confused, maybe less maybe more, but she hopes that maybe talking with Ricky outside of her house would feel better. Having this type of conversation wrapped up in sheets before bed would just feel too real if not wrong on some levels.

—

Her eyes glimmer in the starlight as she walks up to the park and he just stands there under the streetlamp, board kicked up under the toes of black sneakers as he clutches it with his fairly tense fingers. The sight of his messy hair makes her glad she braided hers after she got out of the shower. He looks cute with his frazzled curls, she doesn't quite think it's the same for her own hair which tangles when wet due to its thickness.

"Hey." He greets her, small smile on his face. "Glad you could make it, the guys headed home a bit ago, but I figured no better time but now to have a little talk about something." Ricky explains and she nods quickly.

"Yeah. Agreed. I mean I think it's better in person, and like even though you're staying at mine tonight I-"

Except he interrupts her rambling with words that disappoint her far more than she could have even expected.

"I um. I actually think I'm going home tonight Nini..."

"Oh. Okay. I mean, I'm glad you feel ready I just thought you um- you wanted one more night with me..."

"That's part of the problem." He says so quietly she almost doesn't hear it as he leans back against the light post. She finds herself unsure if he meant for her to hear those words or didn't, but she caught them all the same. "I think it's time for me to go back to my dad and just- reflect. I love you Neens, but... I get too caught up in the distractions and I think I need to be alone with it."