I couldn't keep my eyes off her all night. First when she arrived late, then when she did shots at the bar with Jisoo, at the second destination, at the third bar when she was with Lisa and then when she kissed Nayeon. I felt jealousy rear up inside of me when I saw that and I saw her quickly look over at me after the kiss, she looked panicked and I quickly diverted my eye contact because I didn't want it to seem like I was interested or affected.
When I was alone with her I had to look at her though, it would seem weird if I didn't, and I took in her appearance with pleasure. She was wearing pleated red pants, a black woollen jumper and a jacket that looked expensive, it probably was knowing her. It smelt nice as she passed it to me, and it felt like the old days when we'd walk home from a club drunk as anything and kiss under the streetlights.
The fourth bar was the best one. It was dimly lit and the crowd was eccentric and young, most of the people were high and I was envious of them being off their faces. If it were just me and Roseanne there we'd have sort out the dealer in the crowd and done drugs in the bathroom. But that faze of my life was over, I now lived the life where Jimin and I are health conscious, responsible young people who jog on Sunday mornings.
I jumped up and down in the crowd beside a guy with long blonde hair and round sunglasses, he was defiantly on something but being with him was better than being with any friend that was there. He knew nothing about me, he wouldn't ask why I was nearly crying but also laughing, he wouldn't pick up on how strangely I was acting, he wouldn't tell me to stop drinking because I had defiantly had too much. The main reason I liked dancing with a stranger so much was because he wouldn't understand why I kept looking across at Roseanne and Nayeon on the other side of the dance floor. Nayeon had her hands around Roseanne's neck and was kissing her neck, it made me hate Nayeon and reach out to one of my friends and steal their drink. Roseanne turned around and scanned the crowd for me, I moved my eyes off her and looked in the opposite direction, putting on a smile and laughing.
The drinking was catching up with me and I felt the room begin to spin. The man with blonde hair was floating away from me and the lights were growing closer, I pushed out of the crowd and into the bathroom. I leant against the sink and took deep breathes as the bass seeped into the titled room and ricocheted off the walls. I looked up into the mirror and smiled at myself, my eye was on my chin. Shittttt, I was so drunk. The door opened and in walked the one person who I didn't want to be drunk around... Jisoo.
"Whatcha doing?" she asked and then giggled. She was drunk too.
"Avoiding," I groaned and sunk to the ground.
"Why?"
I knocked my head against the wall. "Ouch! Fuck."
It didn't hurt but I started to cry because I was drunk and in some dirty bathroom with my too nice sister standing over me like some celestial being. At my tears, she crouched down in front of me and grabbed my hands tenderly.
"What's wrong, Jendeuk?" she asked soothingly.
"Nothing," I stammered through tears.
The reason I didn't want to be near Jisoo when I was blind drunk was because I always spilled everything to her. She was too nice to me about being a mess, when we were sober she tried to organise my life but as soon as we were drunk it was a free pass to be as distraught about everything and for it to be ok.
"Come on, you can tell me."
I looked up at her and shook my head. "Nothing's wrong, just drunk."
"But you've seemed so distant and... depressed."
"I haven't been, I'm just... tired."
Jisoo stood up and smiled down at me, she wasn't going to push me when she was nearly as drunk as me. "Ok, well we're going to the next place in half an hour."
