Timber ✔️

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You have a bad habit of shutting people out.

When people get too close, know too much, you get scared. Scared you're going to let them down and disappoint them. Scared your emotional baggage will become their burden too. And you convince yourself they're better off without you.

You know this because you keep doing it.

To your parents, your classmates, and friends.

And to Taehyung.

It was 10 am on Christmas Day you were creating a flyer on Canva asking for models to post in your building when the semester starts up. Maybe if you get a few takers you could get your portfolio built up before the end of January. In time for internship applications.

You couldn't bring yourself to edit or look through any more of Taehyung's photos. They were all beautiful to both his credit and your own. But you didn't want to think about him right now. Right now you were debating if it was too early to crack open the bottle of champagne you bought for New Years.

Thats when your phone rang.

You were ready to press decline assuming it would be either Taehyung or Jimin asking you to hang out, but you were surprised to see it was your mom.

This wasn't out of the ordinary.

You still talked to your parents from time to time over the phone. Checked in with little texts to let them know how you were doing. You just didn't like to visit in person. Didn't like to see their new houses and new lives they've built for themselves.

You hated that you felt bitter and jealous towards their happiness, so you avoided entertaining those negative feelings by avoiding visiting them.

But this phone call. This one felt like something more, something heavier. You hated holiday phone calls.

"Merry Christmas, Sweetie!" Your mom cheered.

"Merry Christmas mom" you called back.

"Merry Christmas Y/N" you heard your step and half-siblings cheer over the phone.

You gulped before greeting them back.

"I was hoping I would get to see you today," your mom said. You heard the background noise fade and knew she was walking away from the crowd for privacy.

"Well you know how I have this seasonal job it's for a good cause and I like to get more experience with taking photos."

"Yes I know honey, and your dad and I are very proud of you for that, but we haven't seen you since last spring. We know you're very busy, but we're worried about you." she pressed.

"We? Like you and dad? You talk?" you asked shocked.

"Well, of course, we let each other know when you check-in or hint towards a visit so we can plan for you to see everyone," she answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I didn't know you guys talked," you said a little shocked.

"We're divorced honey not dead to each other," she chided.

"I'm sorry I didn't think-" you paused not sure what you didn't think.

"Y/N, honey, are you okay? I know balancing two Christmas's could be overwhelming, but two Christmas' is better than no Christmas's. And you don't have to split them if you don't want to. I won't be hurt if you want to go to your dad's." She started.

"Mom, stop, it's fine it's not you. It's me" you sighed closing your eyes, "It's just so weird visiting sometimes, knowing you finally have the family you want, and-"