Ferry Boats and Scrub Caps

Scrub Cap Pt. 2

."So, can you do it?" Helen's soft accented voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Helen," Derek sat up and took her hand. "Hm," he smiled at her, happy to see her awake and cognizant.

"Well?"

"Right to the point are we?"

"Why not?" Helen smiled back. "I'm dying here, Shepherd."

"Mm. You're getting morbid in your old age."

"Language, dear." Helen shifted and groaned a little as she sat up in her bed. Derek sighed and gazed at his colleague, his friend, with compassion. She too looked at him intently. "Did you fall in the river on your way here? You look like a drowned rat."

That caused him to snort. "I..." he shook his head. He couldn't tell her about Addison right now. "Just contemplating life on the ferry boat."

"In the rain? Without an umbrella?"

"Yeah." he smiled ruefully. "One of those days."

"Well that's pretty silly if you ask me. Did you at least have one of those scrumptious donuts?"

"I thought I wasn't supposed to have petty indulgences."

"That was different. You were a resident. Residents aren't allowed indulgences."

Derek smirked, shaking his head. "You're something else, Helen."

"Of course I am. So, can you do it?"

He'd seen the scan. If he was in his right mind he would take it all. It was big, but not as big as before. But it was awful close to the superior sagil sinus artery. If he was in his right mind he would take the risk. He rubbed his jaw, his five-o'clock shadow like sandpaper against his hand. He swallowed. "Where's Jake?" he asked.

Helen waved a dismissing hand. "He went to the condo to bring me my things. Enough stalling. Tell me."

"I can do the resection," he nodded.

"But you can't get it all."

Derek sighed. He didn't need another failure. Another black mark. Especially when it was his friend. "No... I don't think..." He stopped and pushed his insecurity down. "No, it's too dangerous," he said finally, looking down at his shoes.

Helen sighed and looked away from him. "So eventually, I'll have to have another surgery."

"Yes."

Awkward silence filled the room. Derek slumped back in his chair. He couldn't get the image of Addison and Mark out of his mind. What happened? How could he? Betrayal gnawed at his heart. His Best Friend. The man who held the rings for him now seemed to be taking them away. And his friendship. He wouldn't lose another friend. Not today.

"Contemplating life again, Derek?"

"Mm." He replied, pushing himself out of his chair. "I'm going to get an OR booked, okay? Get some rest." He managed a reassuring smile to cover up his fear that in a few hours he'd be hovering over Helen's brain.

xxx

"Dr. Peterson, can you close?" he asked.

The Resident who had been assisting him nodded, "Yes Dr. Shepherd."

Derek stepped back from the table and scrubbed out. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. The surgery had been successful. Helen would be symptom free for the time being, but... he shook his head. He'd played it safe. He could've... there was a chance that he could've gotten it all. But as he'd come up to the margin of the tumor... his fingers trembled. It was unnoticeable to the residents and nurses, but he noticed. So he played it safe.