Target Tentacles - A Karmagisa Assassination

Chapter 14 - Part 2

This was why Karma spent years watching from the shadows; rarely interfering but always there. Always available when needed, always supporting his friend in his own unique way, and always ready to step in if necessary. Not because Nagisa needed his life to be protected, but because Karma could protect it.

It simply feels right, natural to Karma. It just seems like the kind of thing a best friend would do.

Now though, he has to wonder. Are these really the devotions of friend? Even as strong and unique a friendship as theirs?

His motivations had never mattered before, when it had been a matter of course to watch over Nagisa from afar. But now that that distance has been erased, now that he is directly a part of the bluehead's life, he's slowly coming to the conclusion that his emotions are not so easily defined.

He takes a deep breath and silence meets his ears. He looks up to find Nagisa leaning on the table, staring into space as though deep in thought.

The room has gone quiet. The candles flicker and their shadows dance, but Nagisa remains motionless. His enthusiasm has simmered down to something quieter, something much harder to place.

He glances up at Karma, hesitates, looks away, and then asks, "Do you think I did the right thing?"

The question hangs there for a moment.

"What?"

"Well... it's not very nice of me, is it?" Nagisa fiddles with his spoon. "To make a wager like that without asking my students about it first. I'd hoped they'd see it as an opportunity, and a challenge, but... what if they're not ready for it? What if all I've done is added to the pressure?"

Karma opens his mouth to respond, but apparently Nagisa isn't done.

"And to make things worse, I goaded one of my own colleagues into betting on our students. That goes beyond just bad protocol. That could get me fired, Karma."

Nagisa sighs and looks up, his eyes uncertain.

"I just can't help but wonder if maybe I should've left when he asked, or said what I wanted but not made the bet, or at least talked to the students first." Nagisa says. "I know I can't go back in time, but still..."

Karma gives him a moment to finish his thought, then shakes his head in exasperation. "Nagisa, you worry too much.

"There is no one 'right thing' you should have done. Life isn't that black and white. The truth is that you couldn't have taken the things he said laying down, and if you did you would be failing your students. Instead you stood up for them, and you've given them the opportunity to prove themselves, not just to the school but to themselves." Karma pats Nagisa's forearm comfortingly. "What's done is done, so don't waste your time doubting yourself. Just move forward with what you have."

Nagisa's eyes lose their heavy cast and he smiles. "Thanks. I knew you were the right person to ask."

A strange, warm feeling invades Karma's chest. "Anytime."

They sit in silence for a moment, then Nagisa clears his throat. "So, since we're on the topic of serious subjects... any updates on the tentacles situation yet?"

Karma hesitates. He had in fact received an update from Karasuma. An important, relevant update. But this particular piece of information isn't something he's sure he should tell Nagisa. The blue head had seemed so... despondent last time, after the assassination. Will telling him bring that back, or even make things worse? There's a good chance it won't, but when he thinks about the consequences, Karma doesn't think he can risk it. Better to lie and not take chances.

He opens his mouth to say no, to tell Nagisa that there haven't been any new updates. But something makes him stop, and when he realizes what he's about to do, when he recognizes the breach in trust he's about to commit, his blood runs cold.

This isn't right, he thinks. Since when does he have the right to decide what is and isn't good for his blue haired friend? What gives him the authority to judge what his childhood classmate can handle?

Shielding him from unnecessary troubles, lending a helping a hand every once in a while? Sure. But purposefully withholding information that Nagisa is rightfully entitled to, secretly making decisions for him without his basic input? No. That's a whole other level of toxic overprotectiveness. And Karma can't understand where it came from. Obviously he cares about Nagisa and he wants to protect him, but this almost goes beyond the feelings of a friend.

And now that he thinks about it, there were other things too. Things he'd noticed that he shouldn't have, things he'd done that he shouldn't have, things he'd felt that he shouldn't have. But the longer they talk, the longer they laugh and fight and joke and kill, the deeper his feelings go, the more attached he becomes, the more he wants to hold him close, to protect him and support him and...

And that's when it clicks, all the pieces finally sliding into place.