"One and Only." A kagehina/shobio love story

Intro-Regression

    Relationships. They come with so much burden, pain, ups, downs, happy, sad. So many feelings, good, bad. The feeling of being loved, having someone who loves you differently from other people. The feeling of being wanted. That someone was so attracted to you it made them want you, and they had to have you. The feeling of insecurity, feeling as though you're not good enough for that person, or your mind filling with reservations on whether or not this person is serious with you, and won't leave you for someone better. The arguments, the make up, these were things that build up in this thing called a relationship. But one thing that wasn't mentioned, probably one of the biggest portions of them all that Hinata Shoyo could always count on, was jealousy.

   Jealousy- the state or feeling of being jealous, endowed by envy, suspicion, mistrust, bitterness, discontent, spiteful and insecure expressions. So much more could be added to this word, and Shoyo knew this feeling well. One time in the third grade, he was in the spelling bee, and when he spelt a word completely wrong, he was asked to sit out. But one girl, he could hardly remember her name now, but she aced every single word. He studied so hard for this, but when it was her turn the syllables and letters flowed off her tongue eloquently, as if she was made for this. She spelt his word correctly, and moved on like it was no problem. What was the feeling Shoyo felt as he sat in the seat of losers? Jealousy.

  Another time he felt jealousy, was when his best friend, Kageyama Tobio got a girlfriend. Yes, he should've been happy for his stupid ass friend as he was happy, but something in him bellowed at the sight of this. The sound of it. He was still happy of course, and moved on with it like it was nothing. Jealousy takes its course in everyone, in the most eccentric and awkward ways, but one way or another, you are bound to feel jealous in your lifetime. It's a human feeling that can be understood so well, yet in this situation, he can't help but turn away from someone else's jealousy. Who's? His boyfriend of almost a year, Akio.

  Yes, he has a boyfriend. Shocker? He's been his boyfriend for a while now, and he's a pretty great guy. He works at a local game store, and he's just the sweetest. Well, was anyway. Shoyo always knew that the other liked him a lot more than he, but he pushed down the concern and rode out the relationship's start, actually growing to love what it blossomed into. Well to be all the way honest, he only first dated him to distract himself from the very heart wrenching situation he was in, being in love with his best friend whom he thought had the same feelings as him, until he didn't, moving on and getting a lover like Shoyo wasn't even an option to begin with. He had always been there, but Kageyama still didn't choose him. As much as he wants to sit and believe that one day he'd let go of this feeling of bitterness, it still eats at him today, because he knows what he felt at that moment, yet he will still be by Kageyama's side. He'd still leave whatever situation he was in prior to go get him from awkward walking dates he didn't bring his car to. He'd still jump to every opportunity of hanging out with him. He'd still lie about his whereabouts to his boyfriend, just to sit and comfort Kageyama while something was happening. He'd still call on him while he was down in the dumps, just so the other can come put him back together like a master of jigsaw puzzles. He'd still forget about his quarrels, and allow Tobio to kindly distract him from them. He'd still listen to every single fucking word that came out of his mouth, and abide by it almost as if it held the answers to every mystery in the world. He knows this. And he absolutely hates it. Every damn minute. He tries so hard to act and push down the concerns of him falling back in love with his best friend, but he always ends up tumbling down the hill.

  He even tries to get himself to think he ever fell out of love with his best friend, much like just now. He doesn't get it. He doesn't understand why his stupid fucking mind won't comprehend that Kageyama is not his to want. To comprehend that he himself already has someone he loves and vice versa. It's just not fair. Not fair to Akio, not fair to Kageyama. Not fair to his friends that call it out every chance they get to try and warn Shoyo that if he doesn't do a thing about the situation that the storm is coming, and he won't be easily washed upon the shore afterwards. It's terrible that he puts Akio through this. But what can he do? Because at this moment- actually no. We'll get to that point later. Let him explain fully why this situation is so shitty and unfair to be in. Akio is a great guy, and Shoyo has been with him for a little while. As he said, at the beginning it was just an opportunity to get over this storm of jealousy and want-need, but it soon turned to something different. He began to truly grow fond of Akio, and fall in love with him. He isn't sure if it was love, yet he thinks it might've been. He thought he finally had a ticket out of this hell, this binding hell, but it's back, and it's haunting him worse than last time. Ever since he and Kageyama had that night, it's been back, and he can't just get it to go away. He thought he was done, done with unrequited love, done with unresolved tension, done with second thoughts and reservations of who he was and what he wanted. Couldn't be more wrong.

Now to Akio. See, it's not like Shoyo is full proof, he's going to have some sink holes somewhere, and Akio is there to see all of them. He began seeing it, questioning it, and growing uglier and uglier because of it. Shoyo would be lying if he said the person Akio is now wasn't something he created. He can't help but feel at fault for this new change in behavior of someone who used to be so happy, so light spirited, and it's all because of him. The first time he questioned it, was when Shoyo left his phone on the nightstand one morning, to go use the restroom. A caller ID popped up, and Akio made Shoyo aware of that by calling out to him. The redhead asked what it said, and if Akio can handle it instead of him, to which he obliged. Until Akio made it known it was by the name "Prissy Bitc-" , and Shoyo came running to answer. Completely forgetting about Akio, engaged in a totally new conversation. He smiled often, giggled often, and overall seemed way too giddy for just a friendly call. After the call, Shoyo still smiled to himself, looking like a love drunken fool, directly in front of the other. Akio asked who it was and what it was about. "Oh, it was just my best friend Kageyama, the one with black hair I told you about?" And Akio responded "The one you always talk about?" A hint of agitation in his tone. At the time Shoyo didn't think much of it, waving it off as he didn't realize he was regressing back into what he tried so hard to fight off. The second time made Akio really angry. So angry that he stormed off and didn't speak to Shoyo for 2-3 days. He missed Akio's call as he was on the phone with Kageyama, and this made him beyond pissed. "It's always KAGEYAMA!" He yelled before storming off, startling Shoyo. Then, Shoyo was still very confused, but now he can see that he was right. It is always Kageyama, huh? Akio began throwing these fits a lot more often, for minor things like Kageyama texting him or Shoyo leaving to go out with other friends, claiming "it's Kageyama, you just don't want to say it." Some times he was right, but most of the times he was wrong. Shoyo even took it upon himself to actually tell him the truth one day, more so half telling him the truth, that he used to like Kageyama but it's over now, and he may be regressing but he can fix it. This seemed okay at first, as he explained all his complications and insecurities about himself and this situation to Akio, and he comforted him. Until he started getting more and more aggressive by day, and began policing so many things Shoyo did as a way to get rid of this issue. Shoyo allowed him to in the beginning, feeling as though this can be a way to whip him back into shape, yet everything started getting out of hand. It went from "stop texting so much, hang out with me sometimes" to "no texting, only hang out with me and no one else". 

He even went as far as limiting the things Shoyo wears anywhere Kageyama was going to be. It was like he seen the clothes Shoyo had, felt as if they were "too much", and made him change all together. If Shoyo refused, he would gaslight him in the worst ways imaginable, taking advantage of the redhead's view of the situation, placing all the blame on his shoulders. He knew Shoyo felt disgusted in himself and that he felt it was his fault for everything, so he'd go and say "do it for the relationship" "you love me don't you?" "This is already your fault, why can't you see I'm trying to fix it for you?" "Just do what I say and maybe you'd be out of this mess" etc etc until it all filled Shoyo's brain like cement. He had to get away, he had to have his mind tainted, he allowed it. He didn't care where he was going anymore, he just needed his mind out of the control of his lover, so what other place to go than that one. Thinking back, what a dumb idea that had been. Where would he go to be somewhere his mind can be free, somewhere he can successfully be manipulated, manipulated so well it felt good. Somewhere the person manipulating him didn't even know they were, they thought they were truly trying to help his situation. Of course, he would go there. To his One and Only.