"One and Only." A kagehina/shobio love story

5. Repression, then Reassurance

  The usual feeling of waking up in the arms of another than your partner is regret. It's sorrow, it's confusion, it's a bundle of your secret insecurities and imperfections being boiled over. Yet all Shoyo feels right now is gratification.

  It's not that he doesn't care, and it's not that he's completely a dick, well he may be, but it's simply the fact that this is all he wanted. All he needed. He tired himself out by acting and pretending so much that this wasn't everything he dreamed of, everything he yearned for, but to no avail.

  It's not exactly too prideful, as he technically did just cheat on his lover, and he still has enough gratitude and shame to feel dirty, but taking a glance at his side, at the glorious temple laying next to him, it's not too much shame. But oh how he wishes. How he wishes he felt the sorrow of cheating like a normal person. The guilt of your deed weighing you down, but Shoyo feels as light as a feather. Is this actually it for him? Did he finally snap? Finally go insane? He knew it was bad, but why, why didn't he have any remorse for sleeping with his best friend?! Why?

  Because he is Hinata Shoyo. A crazed bastard only here to cause utter destruction to everyone and everything in his way. This is peak filth for a person like him, yet he always goes above even that.

"..Sho?" A groggy voice called out from next to him, but Shoyo made no move to look in that direction. Eyes still trained on Kageyama's bedside window, on the view of the brightly lit city.

  "Shoyo. If you-are you crying?" Tobio got up quickly, taking the redhead's face in his hands. That one touch, soft touch, broke Shoyo out of his trance, broke him out of this pretending, as he practically burst out crying, falling in front of him. Of course Tobio caught him smoothly, wrapping his arms around him whilst the other cried in them.

  In Tobio's case, he was waiting for this. All this time Shoyo cried, all this time he held it, it all built up to this one cry, probably the biggest one he's heard out of the shorter. He wasn't wrong. Shoyo feels like he's never cried quite like this before. Maybe he did pretend for too long.

  "Shoyo, I-I shouldn't have..I shouldn't have just made this worse for you." Kageyama said, guilty. There it is. The guilt Shoyo was looking for in himself, to still feel human. Of course he has it. The ginger's cries dim as he tries to speak.

"No, I-Tobio, why don't I feel bad?? Why don't I have any remorse over this? Am I not even decent enough to feel sorry?" He said, as the black haired male's eyes widened.

"Sho what do yo-

"YOU, Kageyama! You feel guilty like a normal person should yet I don't feel a thing! I even feel satisfied in a way I can't describe, but it's not what it should be! God, I'm so disgusting. I'm so trifling, so revolting that I can't stand it." He finished.
Kageyama grips him tighter.

"What?..Shoyo you're none of those thing-

"You don't have to lie, I'm absolutely-

"beautiful."

  The redhead looked up, into those hard blue eyes, that soft content smile and he wishes he can just vanish.

  "What? No, I'm-

"perfect."

Okay now he's just showing out.

"You're sweet. Sincere, genuine. You're great to be around, you're bright, very bright, too bright. You have the prettiest face I've ever seen, like actually. You have the greatest personality I've ever been around. You're kind, far too kind but you make do. You're fucking insane, but the "raise-your-hands-up-on-a-roller-coaster" kind." Kageyama said as he leaned in, lips lurking around the smaller's face.