Now I See You | ✓

Twelve

The rest of the week is hazy and it hurts my head just as much as the weekend did. Mom calls a couple of times, but I ignore them. I don't want to talk to her right now. Dad calls and the one time I answer, he is slightly less pushy than Mom, but the underlying message that he believes Mason over me is still the same.

Maybe that hurts more than everything else. Mason has manipulated my entire family so well that all of them except Zeb are taking his word over mine.

Mason himself doesn't contact me at all, to my relief, because I'm not sure what I'd do if I were confronted with his fury. I can imagine that he's angry with me for not believing him, but surely, he realises that I'm angry with him, for lying to me. Or trying to.

And, of course, I'm furious with him for actually doing it. For thinking that treating someone like that is acceptable, that it's okay to not listen when someone says no.

I'm livid with myself, too, for not knowing, for not seeing it, but the anger directed towards Mason feels a bit more manageable than the self-hate I seem to be drowning in right now.

Miraculously, I manage to drag myself to all of my classes and do some studying, and although it's all a bit half-hearted, I'm managing somehow. I'm even remembering to eat semi-regularly, but I reckon that's mostly down to Manal and Josie, who keep making me food and shovelling it down my throat for me.

Either way, it feels like a little bit of progress.

All of that falls apart on Friday, though, when an update about the investigation comes through.

Last week, the Dean had appealed to the college for any information on the sexual assault of Joshua Zaki, or anything else relevant.

What happens next has me emptying my stomach into the toilet bowl all over again.

My heart is in my mouth as my eyes scan over the agonisingly long-winded report. The long and short of it is this: four girls have come forward with accusations of sexual assault against Chad Williams.

The kicker is the fifth girl, though. She recounts an incident not long before Christmas, where she was cornered not just by Chad, but by Mason too, and raped when she refused to have a threesome with them.

This time around, I vomit and struggle to breathe just like before, but it subsides much faster than the last time.

When I look up, I notice Josie and Manal standing in the doorway, heartbroken looks on both of their faces. The sympathy makes me cry harder, my body shaking at the thought of what Mason has done to this poor girl and to Josh.

Once I've finished vomiting and have cleaned myself up, we migrate to the sofa and cuddle there for a while.

At some stage, Josie has to leave to go work a shift at Smith's, but Manal stays with me, watching movies with me. She accepts that I don't want to talk, but sits with me, holding me tightly.

***

The news haunts me the next day, too, and by the time the evening rolls around, I have the urge to drink myself into oblivion, to forget about everything.

Josie's somehow not working tonight, so I set about lying on her bed, shooting her puppy-dog eyes, in the hopes that she'll accompany me to a party.

Manal is a practicing Muslim and therefore doesn't feel comfortable coming to parties with us. We're okay with her absence obviously, just like she's not judgemental about the fact that we go.

It doesn't actually take all that long to persuade Josie to come with me. She's probably just pleased that I actually want to do something, rather than just lie on my bed or the couch like a vegetable.