SONDER. | Short Series

iii | Sonder ❦ (2)

Taivon sighed and wiped her eyes. "That's just how we communicate Trin. It's an ongoing cycle of us hurting each other until somebody taps out. It's how we love."

"Oh no baby— that ain't love." Trin frowned, shaking her head. "That is unhealthy and that shit right there will kill you. Don't let love blind you from the truth."

Her sister was right, but love has blinded Taivon. She just couldn't seem to let him go, because she feels like the man she once knew and fell in love with is still somewhere inside of him.

But that man was long gone. He was a figment of her imagination.

She leaned back and rested her head against then wall, staring at the ceiling. "He didn't used to be like this Trin. He used to praise the ground that I walked on. He used to make feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I really felt like he was the one for me. I always saw our trials as lessons, but then I found myself facing the same problem. Over and over again. Somewhere along the way, I forgot what it felt like to be happy. I just wanted to understand him and why he changed, like was it something I had done?" She sniffled, feeling her heart break more and break.

"How could he wake up one day and just— hate me? Besides you Trin, he was all that I had."

"Taivon....."

"Its true! For so long all I had was you Trinity. Then he came and showed me a different kind of love. I saw you and D and was like, yeah I want that. The way you and him went through all that shit together and made it out stronger. I just knew deep down if I stayed and just waited out the storm, it would pass. But it only got worse. The more and more we hurt each other, the deeper each scar got. But the biggest scar that I have, came from myself. I let myself down because I've done this before."

"Done what?" Trinity wondered.

All Taivon could do was laugh. "I saw the good in someone and thought I could change them. Love blinded me just like it did with mom. It's my curse. The biggest truth is that Rashad has always showed me his true colors, I just failed to see it. That nigga told me he was going to ruin me, and I thought it was so cute. I'm so fucking stupid."

"Don't say that Tee."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, letting the tears flow down her face. "But it's true Trin. I'm stupid because despite all of this, I know I'm still gonna love that man. I can't turn it off no matter how hard I try. I'm broken... I'm damaged and he accepts me as I am. Who else would want to deal with me and all the baggage that comes with me? I-I j-just don't want to be alone Trin." Her voice cracked.

Trinity sniffles filled the phone, "You aren't alone Tee, you have me! It's nothing to get on a plane and come to you."

"You're about to become a wife Trinity!" Taivon fussed, "You don't have time to be here and that's okay, you deserve the chance to build your family. I'm so fucking happy for you and D, y'all deserve that shit. God knows. I'm in a place in my life where I gotta figure this shit out on my own, you can't keep fighting my battles for me. Just be happy sis, because one day I will be in your shoes. I will make it through the storm, just like you did."

Trinity sighed into the phone. "You're stronger than you think Taivon. Even when we were younger, after mom walked out on us and chose those drugs and I had to do what I did to keep food on the table and roof over our heads. You were always there for me baby sis. You kept me going because you did see the good in me, you believed in me. You helped me see the good in myself. So don't think your cursed just because a few bad people couldn't see it for themselves. That's their loss."