Claire's Diary ( On Hold )

Chapter 12

"What's the point in all this screaming? No one's listening anyway." -Goo Goo Dolls

Chapter Twelve

Getting out of bed to go to school on Monday was hard as fuck. I had no desire to go and see everyone's smiling faces. How can they all be so happy? I felt as if Claire's death was just a small action that soon was no big deal after a week.

That may have been the case for more than half the school body, but for me, that was not true. I would never forget this tragic event.

I stepped into the school with a disgusted look on my face. No one was upset. No one looked down or ashamed. No one spoke about Claire. No one took the suicide seriously.

If a random stranger entered the building, they would admit it was a normal school with its chaotic and excited hallways. You never would have guessed that something tragic had happened.

I brushed past everyone quite angrily. They all irritated me.

I flung open my locker and began to unpack my things. First, my chemistry book. Second, my math book. Then my binder. Last the diary.

I had brought it to school again. I hadn't opened it since I had gone with Chloe and now I was ready. I was ready to find out what else awaited me.

I closed my locker as the warning bell sounded. With a sigh, I began to walk to class. I had English first and wanted to get on my way so I could read the diary.

As I walked to class, I spotted Natalie. My heart instantly cringed. I instantly thought of Chloe showing me the location of the secret Natalie had used against me and Claire.

In her diary, Claire said she confronted Natalie. According to her, Natalie had not said much on the matter. She had told Claire that she needed to be ashamed. She told her she was no longer pure and clean like everyone thought she was.

But Natalie was wrong. Claire and I didn't do much sexually. Every time I wanted to, she would remind me she didn't want to go too far. She didn't want to have sex until marriage. In my eyes, she was still clean. I knew she didn't want that, even if Natalie didn't know or believe.

I stepped into the English classroom and plopped down in my desk. After scanning the half empty room, I yanked out Claire's journal and went back to where I had left off.

'March 15, 2012

I love long weekends. We should have more of these. There was an in-service day for the teachers so we had a three day weekend! But now its Sunday and tomorrow I have school. I spent most of this weekend with Alex. It was a great distraction from all my issues, but of course, she doesn't know about any of them.'

 

Yeah... Thanks for that, Claire.

'I can't tell anyone. It's not that I don't trust her. I'm too embarrassed. Just like if I told my parents, Alex wouldn't look at me the same again. And what if we broke up? She could use it as some sort of revenge against me if something goes wrong.'

I wouldn't have judged her. I wouldn't have looked at her differently. I would have helped her get past the miserable memories. But no. She didn't give me the chance.

The bell rang, signaling that whoever was not in class would be considered late at this point.

"Hello, class!"

I rolled my eyes at my teacher's over-excited greeting. Like I said earlier, no one cares.

'Maybe I will tell her. When I'm older and our relationship is stronger.'