deja vu | sapnap

12

tw// self harm

Dream didn't even have to knock twice before the door opened and Shay pulled him in.

"Did you hear him?" She scoffs. "The first matcha he's ever had. Wow. No words. Unbelievable."

"What is the significance of the matcha here... I am not following."

She crosses her arms and pauses for a moment. "That's how we met. I can't believe he replaced our memories with some girl. Or just didn't even remember. I mean he can fuck whoever he wants but I don't know if I can be here to watch it happen," she turns to face the window. "I think I have to go. I can't-- I just can't. I'm sorry."

This time Dream didn't push any further, he knew that she was right at her breaking point, having to watch her ex blatantly forget their most important times together. 

"Ok," he says quietly.

Shay starts to pace the room, running her hands through her already messy hair, the eyebags were already pretty bad, but in the lighting of the darkroom, Dream really saw her for the first time since she got here. 

Her posture was horrible, she had permanent dark eye circles, and what seemed to be like a permanent frown. Worst of all, there were scratch marks on her arms that he hadn't noticed before. She'd always worn a hoodie, even in the burning Florida heat. 

"Shay?" Dream reaches out towards her arm, "what are those? Where did you get those scratches?" He says, softly, careful not to alarm her. 

"I-" she wraps her hand around them instinctively, "cat got me."

"A cat did not do that to you, Shay. What is going on?"

She sits on the bed, defeated. "Sometimes when I get anxious or upset I scratch myself. I didn't mean for it to get that bad, it's just become a habit and I can't stop."

"I didn't realize how bad living here would be for you. I'm sorry I made you stay," Dream sits next to her, slowly sinking into the bed.

"It's not your fault," she sniffles while looking at her hands. "I chose to stay even though I knew it wouldn't be good for me. I don't know what I was thinking in the first place, that I would be able to come here and see him and think that it would all be normal or okay. But I can't pretend anymore, I have to go."

"Sapnap's leaving. For a week. We can figure out what to do tomorrow when he leaves? If that's okay?"

"Yeah," she nods, slipping under the covers and turning the lamp off. "Tomorrow. Goodnight, Clay."

"Goodnight, Shay."