Make You Mine // {LaChambers}

Suspicion

I found myself unintentionally flirting with him, he gave me butterflies in my stomach, and I got very offended when people would call me gay as a joke.  It was bad. That whole school year, my little crush got bigger and bigger until he was no longer just a little crush. He was a fucking huge crush. This only caused me to become secretive. Even with Gordie. We used to tell each other everything, but I thought I might let something slip if I talked too much, so I was more of a listener when it came to talking.

During either January or February, the guys started getting more and more suspicious of me. I had gotten pretty quiet, but I still talked a bit. It was just a lot for me to handle alone. Teddy was the first to ask me about it.

"Hey, Chris?  Why're you so quiet now?  You keeping something from us?" he asked with a grin plastered onto his face. I could tell he was going to question me until I cracked. But I was not planning on telling anyone. Not even my friends.

"Yeah, Chris. You're real quiet now," said Vern, nodding in agreement.

We were up in our treehouse. I could've said anything and it would've stayed inside those walls. But I, again, was not going to tell them the truth.  Ever.

I took a drag from my lit cigarette and glanced at them. I had a subtly angry expression on my face. The intimidating kind. After I couple of seconds of silence, I asked "What do ya mean," obviously playing dumb.

"Well, I mean they aren't wrong. You haven't exactly been yourself lately," said Gordie.

If anyone had a chance of getting me to crack, it was Gordie. You could talk to him and he'd listen. He made you feel cared for. Safe. Secure.

"I just- I don't know what you guys are talking about," I lied. I hated lying to them, I really did, but I'd rather lie than risk losing all of my friends.

"Stop playing dumb, Chris.  Why are you being so secretive?  We're your friends, you know.  You can tell us shit," said Teddy as he dealt cards to Vern.

Gordie looked at me with his big, beautiful puppy dog eyes.  He was worried, I could tell.  I didn't want him to worry about me one bit, but I assumed that he couldn't help it.  I gave him a quick smile to show him that there was nothing to worry about.

"Look, I don't know what to say.  I can't tell you shit because there's nothing to tell ya."  My voice was starting to rise and my face grew hot.  Ted and Vern looked at me with confused expressions on their faces.  I glared back at them.

There was a moment of silence before Ted spoke up again. "...Alright, Chris. If you say so..." I knew damn well he didn't believe me, but I was glad that he gave up. I thought that that would be the end of it, but about a month later Teddy brought it up again.

We were walking home, taking a shortcut that went through the woods. It was only me and Teddy. Gordie went home early that day and Vern had detention. I was a bit more talkative, mainly because Gordie wasn't around.  I don't remember what we were talking about, it was most likely nothing important, but Teddy casually asked me about it.

"So, mind if I ask ya somethin'?"

"Yeah, sure.  What is it?"  I had no idea what he was about to ask me, but I should've.  It was blatantly obvious.

"Well, you haven't been acting like yourself.  Ya know, you went all quiet recently, and the moment I asked ya about it you got all defensive."  He sounded worried, and honestly, he had every right to be.  I was acting weird.

I was contemplating telling him for approximately two seconds before deciding against it.  The cons almost immediately outweighed the pros.  So, I resorted to partially telling him the truth.

"Look, it's jus' some personal crap.  Don't worry about it, alright?  I'll be fine, it will be fine, everything will be fine," I said, more or less trying to convince myself of those things rather than Teddy.

He sighed.  I guess he realized that I wasn't going to crack.

"Alright, alright.  I'll stop," he said after some time.  I felt relief wash over me.  But that only lasted for about two seconds.  Because then I realized something - I was alone.  I wasn't literally alone, but I really didn't have anyone to talk to. I was trapped in my thoughts with no one to open up to.  And believe me, I wanted to tell someone.  But I felt like I couldn't.  I felt so alone.

And just when things seemed like they couldn't get any worse, somehow they did.