Home For Christmas

Alone at Christmas

December 18th - Memories

Susan took a deep breath as she woke up and realized what day it was. She had been dreading today for months, and the mere thought of it caused her eyes to fill with tears.

Today was Christmas.

Sure, Christmas isn't usually a day people dread. But this was Susan's first Christmas since her family died, and she wasn't sure if she could survive the day.

Many of Susan's friends had invited her to spend Christmas with them, and it was very kind. But she simply couldn't do it. The very thought of celebrating at a time like this, made her physically sick.

How could she celebrate when she had no reason to celebrate? Nobody to celebrate for? Nobody to celebrate with? She couldn't celebrate Christmas without her family here.

Susan didn't decorate her house that year. She hated seeing the decorations. Christmas trees, wreaths, red and green everywhere. She couldn't stand the sight of it.

It was all very pretty, sure, but Susan hated pretty nowadays. Pretty wasn't going to bring her family back, so why did it matter?

Lucy would be devastated to know that Susan didn't put up a Christmas tree that year. She loved Christmas more than anyone Susan had ever met.

~~~

"Susan! Susan! Susan!"

Susan chuckled a little as she turned to face her little sister. "Yeah, Lu?"

"We're going to set up the Christmas tree!"

Susan smiled at this. "That's exciting. When?"

"Now, I think." Lucy answered. "Come on!"

"Okay, I'll be down there once I finish reading this chapter." She turned back to the book she'd been reading before Lucy walked in. "I'm almost done."

"No, Susan you have to come now!" Lucy begged. "Pleaseeee!" Lucy flashed her famous puppy dog eyes at Susan, and unfortunately Susan could never say no to those. "Alright, alright, I'm coming."

"Yay!" Lucy said, taking Susan's hand and dragging her down the stairs.

~~~

Susan swallowed hard at the memory, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Lucy got that excited about decorating for Christmas every year. Now Susan would never be able to decorate for Christmas with Lucy again. The thought of this sent more tears down her cheeks.

After a long while of just lying in bed, Susan eventually stood up, taking a shaky deep breath as she did. She walked over to the window, and stared out at the slowly falling snow.

~~~

"Come on Peter let's build a snowman!" Susan said, as the children ran outside to play in the snow.

"Okay!" Peter said, running over to join his sister. "But what about Ed? Won't he want to play too?"

"Mum says he's still asleep." Susan answered. "We can play with him again when he wakes up later."

"Okay!" Peter answered, happy at the idea of playing in the snow twice.

After about twenty minutes, Peter and Susan managed to build a snowman.

"What should we name him?" Peter asked, once they were finished.

"Hmmm!" Susan said, thinking. "How about Frosty?"

"I love it!" Peter said, nodding enthusiastically.

Susan smiled at him before looking up at the sky a moment later. Her smile widened at what she saw. "Peter, look! It's snowing."

Peter looked up at the sky, smiling at the huge flakes that were falling. "Woah." He whispered.

Susan stuck out her tongue, giggling when a snowflake landed on it.

"Peter! Susan! I made you both some hot chocolate."

Peter and Susan looked at each other when they heard their mum shout this from the doorway. They both smiled before excitedly running inside.

~~~

Susan swallowed hard and shut her eyes when more tears fell from them.

Most of Susan's memories of playing in the snow were with all her siblings. But she had a few memories of playing in it with just Peter. Those memories were very special to her. Especially since she could never watch the snow fall with Peter again. Peter would never even see another snowfall. And the thought of this broke Susan's heart.

Susan watched the snow for a little while longer before walking over to sit down at her desk. She planned on reading a little bit to get her mind off of everything, but she swallowed hard when she saw an old book sitting in the corner of her desk. She took a shaky deep breath at the memory it brought with it.

~~~

"Hey, Susan." Edmund said, walking up to his sister.

Susan was sitting in front of the fireplace reading. "Hi." Susan said, smiling at her brother. "

"What you reading?" Edmund asked, lying on his stomach next to her.

"Little Women." Susan answered. "I just got it today."

"That's a big book!" Edmund said, his eyes going wide at the size of it.

Susan chuckled a little. "I don't mind. I like big books."

"Me too, actually." Edmund said. "I've just never seen one that big."

Susan laughed at this. "What book do you have?"

"Peter Pan." Edmund answered happily. "I've always wanted to read it."

"Everyone says it's really good." Said Susan.

"I hope it is." Edmund said, smiling as he opened the book and began to read.

"I brought you two some hot chocolate." Helen said, smiling as she handed Edmund and Susan two mugs of hot chocolate.

"Thanks, mum." Susan said, taking a drink.

"Yeah, thanks." Edmund answered. "This is really good."

"You're welcome." She answered with a smile, before leaving the room.

Edmund and Susan sat there for hours, reading together and drinking hot chocolate. They only stopped when it was very late, and their mum said they had to go to bed.

~~~

Susan swallowed hard as she stared at her copy of Little Women. Edmund's copy of Peter Pan sat right next to it.

She and Edmund used to sit and read together all the time, for hours and hours. They both loved reading, so they always did it together.

Tears ran down Susan's cheeks as she thought about all these memories of past Christmases with her siblings. And she realized that she would never have the chance to make new ones with them. This shattered her heart completely.

Susan spent Christmas alone that year, and her siblings were only alive through her memories of them.

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A/N: So originally Susan & Peter said the snowman LOOKED like Frosty, but I realized that Frosty didn't exist yet when the Pevensies were kids so I had to change it😂