Behind Closed Doors

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I never wanted to worry him so even if I wasn't okay I got used to lying.

I remember I got sick and he offered to book an emergency flight when I just gad the flu. He had virtual meetings that whole week to make sure he could take care of me.

"Well there's Beyoncé.." I ranted about her for a little bit. "She's really cool, and super nice and I feel nice around her. And her friends are super chill and funny-Oh! There's Robyn and Kelly they always argue.." I ranted and talked about them while I did laundry.

"They sound like good peoples. I like them." He says sounding sure of himself.

"You haven't even met them yet?" I pointed out while walking around the kitchen.

"If they make you happy, why shouldn't I like them?" I stayed still for a few seconds at that.

Would he have the same mindset if I dated a girl?

My farther and I stayed on the phone as I did my laundry, folded my clothes, and cleaned the kitchen.

"Really?" I asked listening to one of his stories and he was laughing. "Yeah! I fired his ass, I mean come on—did he really think I was gonna be rockin with that?" He said and I shook my head.

"Where'd you learn all this slang?" I asked. "I was born with it!" He responded and I smiled in admiration.

I loved my farther.

"Alright Nicki bear, I gotta get going. I'll call you this Saturday on time! If you need anything—"

"Call you no matter what, I know dad." I finished for him and he hummed.

"Yup! Love you."

"I love you too." I heard the clock sound of the phone and I sighed. I finished cleaning the kitchen. It looked spotless really.

"I should buy groceries." I said looking at my almost empty fridge. I don't like remembering what last time was like. I'm always afraid to buy food.

I remember that night I splurged, I ate so much in a short amount of time because I thought my body would store it for the week like I was some animal.

I felt so fat after that I forced myself to throw it up, I don't like buying a lot of food. I hate grocery shopping, everything fulling go eat was "too many calories" Kenzie said.

I had to eat something, I starved myself all week, barely eating anything unless Beyoncé was watching. She was starting to get suspicious—or maybe just worried for my health.

As I got lost in my thoughts I received another call—It was a facetime.I saw and quirked an eyebrow seeing it was Beyoncé. I answered without hesitation.

"You're awake at 6am?" We said in sync.

We both paused and then started laughing. I watched her curly messy blonde hair shake as she bopped her head. "I only woke up early by accident. I was gonna pass out again and then got assaulted by mini E.T."

"You mean Solo?" I asked and she shook her head.

"If you wanna call her that. I call her E.T, demon, brat, failed abortion, the list goes on actually." She said nodding to herself.

"Anyways I'm awake and I remember you say you always wake up early so I decided to try my luck! Watcha doin?" She asked and it felt weird having someone giving me their full undivided attention.

"I just got done cleaning and doing laundry.."

"It's giving cinderella!" I heard from the background and I watched Beyoncé throw what appears to be some kind of plushie at Solange.

"Get out of my room! Ignore her." I couldn't help but laugh until I was holding my stomach because right after Beyoncé yelled at her I watched an even bigger plushie get thrown at the back of Beyonces head.

I wish I had that relationship with a sibling, I wish I had siblings. I always got sad thinking about the little brother I could've  had.

"God she's a pain in my ass and everywhere else..anyways. You okay? You're pouting. Should I come over—give me a second I threw my slide at Solos head. SOLO! GIVE ME MY SLIDE BACK!"She said frantically calling for her sister again.

She was so quick to come to my rescue.

"I'm okay. Don't worry." I reassured her and I felt like she was reading me even from through the phone.

"I smell bullshit through this phone." She said and I loved how she could make me laugh even when I was a little down.

"Can I still come over?" She asked and I nodded laughing seeing her wave he car keys next to her face with a hopeful look in her eyes.

"Ight I'm on my way." She declared. I watched her leave her house and she set her phone up so I could see her drive.

I watched her face exhibit various expressions while driving, from confusion to joy, to yelling at people for making the wrong turns and getting infront of her.

I noticed she looked really pretty regardless of the expression.

I could hear her car from outside and I jogged to the door, opening to find he leaning in the door away again.

"You must have a thing for leaning on peoples doorways." I commented. I opened my door a little wider and stepped back.

I heard her mumble, not knowing what she has said. "I have a thing for pretty girls name Onika.."

"What'd you say?" I asked and she got quiet shaking her head.

"Don't mind me! I would've invited the rest i'd the crew but they all sleep in. Not me though, waking up early and shit." She bragged and J laughed remembering that tape.

"Uhuh, Okay. Didn't your little sister wake you up?" I said sitting down and around my house It was a little less lonely with Beyoncé here.

"We ain't gotta talk about all dat. She caught me slippin." She explained and I smiled as I passed her a water from my fridge.

"So what do you do by yourself?" She asked sitting down in the kitchen. She opened the water bottle and I tried answering the question the best way without sounding depressing.

"I read, or so work, or do chores like the laundry." That really is all I do. Unless Kenzie wants to hangout but she's been mad at me lately.

Cant say I'm that bothered by it.

"Reading sounds like fun but the rest don't. She pointed out and she wasn't lying. She got up and grabbed my arm and I spun around.

"We can do something fun!" She suggest and I was genuinely curious."Like what? I have groceries to get."

"Who said something like that can't be fun?"She challenged. I liked this about her, she managed to turn when a lot things I hated or was nervous about trying about into fun.

"Onika I wanna show you have fun the simple things can be. Can I?" She asked holding out her hand and I took it immediately.

She smiled down at our now intertwined fingers and smiled.

"Let's go break 6 more traffic laws!" She said excitedly pulling me out of my house.