Nothing is ever lost

Merry Christmas, dad

I'm staring at my ceiling. Thinking about home. I don't know where i'd rather be. My dad sent me to a boarding school in Ohio just to get rid of me. Where in god's name did he get the money? Lonnie Byers. Freak. His only focus is work and his twenty-year-old girlfriend. Cynthia is nice but their age difference makes me uncomfortable.

'Hey Byers' I hear Lizzie calling me from the other side of the room 'what's the matter?'. 

'Why are you up?' I ask.

'Woke up from the light and saw you staring at the ceiling.' She says. 

'Light? What time is it?'

 '7 AM'

'7 AM?! I've been up all night!' I sit up straight in my bed. 

'Looks like someone is worrying too much about her happy family back home, huh?' She says as she jumps off the bed. She sits down next to me and wraps an arm around me. 'If it bothers you so much, don't go back. Search for help.' 

'Easy for you to say Elizabeth Goodwin'. I say with a high pitched voice. 

'Shut up'. She says. She stands up and walks to the closet. 

'I really don't want to go home for Christmas Liz.' 

'Then don't.' 

Her mood changed. Just because i pulled the 'you're a rich girl' card. She's starting to get rude. 

'You're really no help, do you know that?' 

'Yeah well, i'm not your therapist so if it's bothering you so much, get a real one.' She walks away heading towards breakfast. 

I stare at my wall. I stand up and put my uniform on. No way I'm going home to that monster. Last Christmas he forgot that I was coming. He drank two bottles of wine and he definitely used drugs. He lost it when he saw me. He hit me with a wine bottle. I didn't even do anything. Many things like this have happened in that household. Even thinking of going back sends shivers down my spine. That man is crazy. He damaged me. It will always leave a scar.

'Finally here?' Lizzie says when i walk into the dining room. 

I ignore her and silently eat my breakfast. I don't know what I think of her. She's is nice to me but she isn't. I don't really think we're friends, just...roomies. She's talking to her other 'friends'. They're laughing together. I often think they are laughing at me. I'm the poor girl surrounded by the rich girls. I feel left out all the time.

'Hey Sabrina' some girl yells 'are you whining about your dad again? Oh no! Daddy don't hit me, i didn't do anything wrong!' She mocks me. 'Shut up.' I say. 'What are you gonna do? Go to your daddy? Oh no, to your mommy? Oh wait, can't do that either.' She says laughing. I stand up and walk away. Holding back tears. 

Later in class I see them looking at me. Laughing again. I wish I could just disappear. Why are they picking on me? What did I do wrong? Why is everyone mad at me...?

I skip dinner today. I don't want to see them again. I lay in bed, worrying about tomorrrow. Christmas eve. I have to go back to him. No way to prepare for this. I turn around, facing the wall. I hear Elizabeth coming in. I pretend to be asleep. I don't want to talk to her. I fall asleep, Forgetting all my worries for the night. Unfortunatly just for the night.

When I wake up, Lizzie is already gone. I reluctantly start backing my bags. I think there is a bus that leaves at 9:30 that im planning on taking. It's already 9:15 so i have to hurry.

The closer i get to his house, the more nervous i get. The bus ride feels like ages. I see the sign with the name of the street from the window. I take a deep breath and get off the bus. One bag in my hand. I'm hesitant, do i go in?  I look at the front door. I stood there for a solid five minutes before I dared to go inside.