I Still Love You

I can't do this anymore

"Hey Em glad you could come over." Jared says as he opens the door with Thomas on his hip. I am now seven months pregnant with baby Herbert, and four months since losing Justin. Jared moved aside to welcome me in as he said "I hope you don't mind that Cooper is joining us. Scarlett realized that she cooked way to much food." I laughed as we walked into Scarlett and Jared's kitchen. Jared and I sat down at the table as we heard paws pounding that hardwood floor. "Hi Quincy." I said as I pet the dog when he ran to my side. "Hey Em. Where's Sophia James?" Scarlett asks as she walks into the room. I smile as I say "My brothers are here right now so they're taking her out while I get a night out with my boy." "Boy?" Jared asks confused. I laugh and say "Yes, Boy. I found out a few months ago but I didn't want to make a big deal out of everything. Just keep it to yourself please. I want to keep it a secret until he's born."

After dinner Cooper, Jared, and I  were sitting at the table, and talking while Scarlett put the last of the dishes away when Cooper asks "So Emma have you decided who's going to be in the delivery room?" I sigh and say "No I haven't. I originally wanted to do it alone since Justin can't be here but my brothers talked me out of that. I understand why though. I'd feel the exact same way about their wives and babies." Jared takes a sip of his water before asking "Would you want Scarlett, and I back in their. I know you felt comfortable with us last time." "I know." I started saying as Scarlett walked back over to the table "But the only person I truly want is Justin, and we all know that's not an option. I think I might ask Mitch, Patrick, Holly, and Mark since it's their grand baby." Before anyone could respond I saw Scarlett smiling at Jared. I don't know what it was but something about seeing them together right then, and their triggered me. I stood up from the table and ran down the hallway as tears threatened to spill from my eyes. I hear them talking at the table worried as I slid down the wall and started sobbing. "Why? I need him." I sobbed to myself.

Eventually I had my head in my hands as I felt someone sit next to me, and wrap their arms around me. "Hey Em." I heard Cooper say as he pulled me into him. "I don't know what it was but seeing them together triggered something, I miss Justin." I told him as I grabbed, and clutched his shoulder. Cooper sighed before saying "I know Em, I miss Justin to." I kept sobbing, and eventually I was able to calm down enough to ask "What did I do wrong? What as a wife did I miss not to see that he was feeling that way about himself?" Cooper held me closer to him which I didn't think was possible as he said "You did nothing wrong Emma. Justin just didn't want you to have to worry about him. He knew what you were going through during postpartum and didn't want to place another burden on you." I looked up at Cooper before saying "He shouldn't have felt the need to hide his depression from me. I was his wife, and he was my best friend." I felt Cooper rubbing my shoulder as he said "I know Em, I know."

Eventually I was able to calm down enough to leave, and drive myself home. "Are you sure you don't want us to drive you?" Scarlett asks rubbing my shoulder. I sigh as I held my stomach and said "I'm sure. I just want to go home, and take a warm bubble bath, and wait until my brothers have to help me out of the tub." The two of us laugh a bit before Scarlett says "Take care of yourself Em. Justin would want you to, and it's not healthy for the baby if you don't." I nodded, and tell her "I know. I'm just trying to take things day by day, and see where everything goes." She smiled as I spoke before saying "Good. Now go home, and sleep. I know how exhausting pregnancy is."

"We're back Emma." I hear my brother Jarred yell from downstairs. I walk out of my bedroom, and down the stairs as I see Jarred, Matt, and Mark standing in my doorway as Mark closed the door. I saw Matt holding Sophia James as he walked over to me, and handed me my baby girl. "Hi baby girl. How was dinner with your uncles." I watched her face lite up, and her gummy smile appear as I rubbed her little belly. "I'll take that as it went well." I said smiling as the five of us walked into the living room. As we sat down on the couch Jarred said "Emma I think you need to move in somewhere else soon. None of us are comfortable with you being alone. Especially now since your almost a month to your due date." I sigh as I looked at Sophia James playing in the ground with her toys as I said "I know but all my friends don't have room, and Candace, and Abby are all in Ohio with Baker, and Joe. Neither of them have room, and Sophia James is to young to move all the way across the country." I see Jarred look at Mark, and Matt before looking back at me. "What?" I asked as I looked up at the three of them. "What about McVay?" Mark asks. I smile slightly as I said "Sean is a nice guy and all, but I feel like although he loves Sophia James he's a single, kidless bachelor. I feel like it'd be a lot for him to take on a widowed single pregnant Mom, and the child she already has." Matt sighs and says "It's worth a shot."