I Wanna Love Somebody Like You

22

"Derek?"

He looked up from the paperwork he was pretending to complete, relieved to see Meredith standing in front of him. "Hey," he sighed, leaning back in his chair as he let himself show her vulnerability in front of her.

"How are you?" she asked softly.

"Terrified," he admitted. Alissa's surgery had been pushed back the week before due to an allergic reaction to the medication she'd been given after being checked into the hospital. Which meant that for the past week, he'd watched Mark and Addison live in constant panic that their daughter was going to die before she even got into surgery, leaving him completely unconfident in his abilities to perform her surgery.

"You're going to do fine," Meredith whispered. "George is prepping her, and I'll be in the OR with you."

"What if I kill her?" Derek asked.

"You won't," Meredith said firmly.

"She could die, Meredith," he snapped. "She's a year and a half old. And this is brain surgery."

"It's risky," Meredith nodded. "But Derek, you've done this surgery on patients younger than her before. Patients who have moved on to lead completely normal childhoods."

"I know," he said. "Logically, I know that. But none of those kids were my ex-wife's."

Meredith was silent for a moment before she moved around his desk and reached for his hand, placing it on her stomach. "Feel that?" she whispered.

"It's...firmer," he nodded.

"Look," Meredith was unable to keep the smile off of her face as she turned to the side and lifted her shirt, revealing the slightest of swelling that no one else would even be able to notice. But he knew that it definitely hadn't been there the night before.

"Mer," he breathed. "You have a bump."

"I have a bump," she giggled. "That's your baby, Derek."

"Hey baby," he whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to the tightened skin of her abdomen. "Daddy's glad you're growing."

"Derek," Meredith breathed. "If something goes wrong with this pregnancy and we need a specialist, who would you demand did it?"

Derek was silent for a moment before he looked up at her. "Addison," he finally whispered.

"And if..." she took a deep breath before she continued her thoughts, trying to control her own emotions. "If the baby didn't make it, would you blame her?"

"No," Derek said, but he could feel tears pricking his eyes at the mere thought of losing his baby.

"So if something does happen to Alissa, God forbid," Meredith said. "It would be horrible. It would be tragic and completely awful. Just like any other time we lose a child. But it wouldn't be your fault."

"I don't think I can do this," Derek finally whispered. He would never admit that to anyone but her, but he needed this before he performed a surgery this important. He needed Meredith, and he needed her support.

"You can," Meredith nodded firmly, giving his hand a tight squeeze. "Derek, I love you. Baby loves you. And you can do this."

He was silent for a moment before he nodded slowly, taking strength in her words. He was the best. And she was right, she could do it. As long as he had her support, he could do anything. "Okay," he nodded softly.

"Are you ready?" she whispered.

"As I'll ever be," he sighed, pulling her towards him. "Can I just..."