Stories Not Quite Scary Enough To Tell In The Dark, But Still Nearly Chilling

Pretty n' Pigs

Once there was a man who loved a pretty girl

And that pretty girl loved:

Another man.

But that other man,

Loved a different girl

Who loved pigs,

But who would have loved the first man if the first had ever told the pig lover that he loved her

The pretty girl

Worked at a coffee shop

Where the man she loved

And the girl the man she loved loved (the pig lover)

Ate lunch every day

And where

The man who loved the pretty girl

Came to sell pigs

To the girl the man loved, who the girl loved, loved

Because she loved them.

The pigs loved sow chow.

The pretty girl would have loved sow chow,

If she had been a pig.

And then she would have belonged to the man who loved her,

At least until he sold her to the woman who was loved my the man she loved.

But she didn't.

One day the man who loved the pretty girl

Decided to confess his love for her.

Seeing how much the pigs loved it,

He wrapped her a bag of sow chow

Tied a pink ribbon around it,

And left it for a tip.

Flattered, the pretty girl took the bag home,

Poured milk over it for breakfast the next morning,

ate it up and said "Yum."

Right about this time mole people burrowed out from the center of the earth,

And stole all their brains,

And ate the pigs.

The End