Kindergarten 2 oneshots!

Hang onto the memories

//implication of suicide
this is an extension of "Let's Hang Out More". it's recommended that you read that one before this
inspired by @/Randomglitchy (i didn't do their prompt exactly but it inspired this)

Felix was never that great at love.

It wasn't something he was ashamed of, per se: he had much more useful skills, like math and business and science, so figuring out how to love was never a concern of his. People were only stepping stones to achieve whatever business venture or goal he was set on, like a toy that wore out its purpose and was thrown away.

Teddy, on the other hand, was the heart of the twins. He'd never made much of an effort in math or business or science, but he knew how to comfort someone when they were afraid or exactly how long to hold a hug until they got uncomfortable. It would be easy for him to teach Felix how to love, if he only knew that his brother struggled. To Teddy, Felix was so much smarter than him, so whenever he was pushed aside or taken advantage of for another step above everyone else, he assumed that his brother always knew what he was doing.

Felix did not. It wasn't that he wanted to hurt Teddy so he could rise up — he just didn't understand how to stop. If a person is never taught love, will they ever accept it themselves?

"Hey Felix!" Ted greeted happily, running through the semi-crowded school corridor to meet his brother. They didn't hang out often at lunch, preferring to go to their separate friend groups where Felix can talk about business and Ted can do whatever he does, but some days were just nice to spend together. Felix would say it was the old days but maybe that comparison was best left alone.

"Hi Theo." Felix hummed back, closing his locker and turning to walk down the hallway, quickly followed by his brother, "How's your day been?"

"Oh, pretty fun! The teacher told us that we were ahead of the work so we just watched a nature documentary. I taught Billy how to make paper boats!" Ted smiled excitedly, his eyes lighting up as he described the (in Felix's opinion: useless) lesson he had. Teaching someone how to make paper boats was exactly what Teddy would do in that situation, always the more lax and friendly of the two. (Sometimes, Felix thought to describe him as an angel, with an immediate connection to people and always knowing the right things to say. But, if Teddy was the angel, then Felix was the- well.)

"I'm.. glad you had fun." Felix scanned the people passing them as they walked, finally stepping out of the building and into the field that they used for free time. They both automatically headed to a tucked-away bench near the very back, away from all the football (soccer?) games and general noise. Teddy sat down first, pulling a lunchbox out of his bag, while Felix set next to him.

He looked over: Teddy had cut his sandwich into shapes with a cookie cutter. Felix didn't deserve him.

"Uh, Felix?" Ted asked after a while of silence. Felix looked up from his phone to find that his brother had finished his lunch and now had his eyes fixed on the grass in front of them, knotting his hands nervously.

"Yes?"

"Do- Um.." The way he stared at the floor wasn't exactly worrying but it was different, "Do you ever feel like there's no point to anything?"

"Coming to school and getting your education is important, Theodore." Felix dismissed, assuming his twin was just looking for an excuse to skip class and going back to his phone. He never was one for recognising emotions.

"No, I mean—" Teddy shook his head, almost like rearranging his thoughts, and tried again, "—Do you think life is worth it?"

Felix hesitated for a moment as he watched his brother from the corner of his eye. There were these subtle fidgeting shifts in his movement that only someone who knew Ted as well as Felix did would notice. Or maybe he didn't know him at all and it was the observance talking. Who's to say?

"Yes." He began. It took a moment to gather his thoughts, "I think that the future is bright. Starting a business and earning money to have a nice retirement."

"What's the point of it, though? Where's the meaning?" Teddy gestured widely, his frustration seeping through.

"There is none, I guess." He shrugged and the conversation was over.

How he wishes it wasn't.

Felix sits on Teddy's bed, holding his brother's tie, and sighs. Of all the memories that stuck with him, why did it have to be that one? The one day he could've saved Ted, by extension saved himself. He could've pulled him back from the darkness if he hadn't been so blinded by the light himself.

Anyone would assume that the bed collected dust, but Felix makes sure it doesn't. Every day, after school, he relaxes on it to do his homework, and every day, after school, he's reminded of the sound of Ted's voice. How he'd stick his tongue out as he tried to figure out Felix's math homework but he never could because he didn't pay much attention in math or science or business.

Maybe it wasn't Felix's fault, maybe he knows that, but the voice that he pushes away reminds him that he could've helped. If he hadn't been so stuck in his own mind, he could've rescued Teddy from his. But he didn't.

For a split second, he wants to believe that he hears Theo's voice in the wind. But that's a thing of fairytales.