Anna's Reviews

23 ✿ The Mafia Queen | Shiya57

+ characters rubbing off their filthy rich status wasn't great to read. it sounded awkward.

+ c1 ends without me getting to know what's the book about. what's the hook? what's at stake? what's the inciting incident? wondering if two characters will end up together isn't enough.

+ at the beginning of c2, some mafia concepts are introduced, but i didn't feel they made sense. a mafia gang of teenage females? how experienced could they be? and as usual, azalea info-dumps everything with very little context.

+ i suppose you consider the sacrifice they made for the mafia a hook? i'm supposed to wonder about it? unsure.

+ i was unable to imagine the race scene due to the lack of detail and accuracy.

+ only in the beginning of c3, you reveal she's in seattle in her aunt's house. it was unreasonably vague before.

+ uh, again with the extreme clichéness, there's a girl claiming asher and threatening azalea when she didn't even talk to him, gosh. i don't think girls are this overprotective of someone who isn't theirs irl. he isn't an object as well. she doesn't own him, not even if they were in a relationship.

+ the pace in c3 is too fast. she clashed with asher, the barbies, made a friend (with absolutely no detail), and she is getting invited to a party hosted by the one and only badboy asher lol. each of those i feel needs more justice detail wise.

+ there's finally a cliffhanger at the end of c3, but it's too much out of context. who are these two gangs, and why should i care if they united? introduce them to us, so we connect.

i think research is in order for many concepts in this book. for now, it seems loose and messy. this isn't great in terms of securing readers.

✿ characters (5/20)

the characters are introduced thru azalea's pov only. they're not given the chance to express themselves thru dialogue or action. azalea was info-dumping about them all from her perspective.

the dialogues felt forced and robotic. you've missed a great space to utilise it for characterisation. instead of letting the character express themselves via what they said, azalea would punch in an explanation of what the speaker implied. try action beats and more detail, even from azalea's pov.

character interactions are a little awkward. perhaps bc of the robotic tone. in c2, she was supposed to sound playful and that guy daring, but i didn't feel that was executed well. the lack of detail is the issue. you need to describe their facial expressions and azalea's inner thoughts. asking for his car felt extreme, and asking for a date felt out of context. who did he think he was? she kicked him for touching her, but c'mon, she was okay with a date (neither are okay). whatever their underlying intentions are, i don't understand them bc they're not shown.

the supposed change in asher's character, according to freya, doesn't make sense. it comes off as cliché; that moment when a guy sets his eyes on that girl bc she's "different" whatsoever. why'd he change his demands from money to a date? he just met her.

azalea is annoyingly too full of herself. it's unrealistic-- when you arrive at school, no one really looks at you for more than 5 seconds unless you've disguising yourself as a clown lol. at least not explicitly; people don't like to be caught staring. that's some dumb audacity there. if you insist to give her this trait, look for more realistic ways. maybe for example she's good at sth, and people recognise her talent.

if you look into asher deeper, why is he adamant about knowing who azalea is instead of, for example, asking her who taught her how to race and fight? a more logical thought process. why'd he think she was any different from a teenager racer like him?