✿ first impression: title, cover and description (11/15)
the title is unique and relevant. the only mistake is you have to lowercase "in".
the cover is great and has the faces of the supposed band. i just think it has a lot of red, so consider changing a little in the filters to reduce it.
the description is fine. not so intriguing, not boring either. if i would be intrigued, it's because i want to read a story about a rock band, but the description itself didn't tease me about the storyline beyond a possible crush on john.
but overall the first impression was decent. there were no mistakes, but there are possible improvements where i mentioned.
✿ plot (20/20)
i'm not sure whether this kind of plot is overused on wp bc i have been off the site for a while, but i like the sound of it. i'm a rock listener myself (often, my femininity gets bashed for it), so it is pleasant to read the story of rock-passionate girls. thank you for suggesting the book to me. it's somewhat empowering.
i loved that you took your book seriously, planned it out, and knew where the story was going. i seldom find a serious writer on this orange app.
i have a small note on the flow at the beginning. the chapters were long, so i felt as if it was going veryyy slowly. i had to read a lot before i finally reached the action. possible readers could leave before that. consider rearranging chapter 1 to reveal what the girls did before introducing them, but don't touch carrie's car scene. it was great.
✿ characters (17/20)
from when you said "each of them is different", you proceeded to introduce the characters straightforwardly. it's not wrong, but i'd have preferred if you used dialogue or a scene to show these characteristics. it still didn't hold me back from reading. just a possible enhancement.
still, based on the descriptions you've written, i've successfully drawn an image of them in my head. it was easy and vivid. i could relate to some as well. they sounded like normal human beings anyone could enjoy meeting.
when you reached the part that talked about patrick, i was taken aback. i couldn't see the hint of carrie being such a person when you introduced the characters in the first chapter. yes, i noticed she is flirtatious and witty, but not a guy-hopper. perhaps make him send a text in the first part that goes ignored by her. the flirts with john while still having patrick around gave a bad impression about carrie.
✿ grammar (11/15)
□ missing commas that could be fished easily by a simple editor like ms word editor.
□ sometimes, you used a comma when a period was needed. once you have SVO (subject + verb + object), use a period, or you can join two full meaning sentences with a semicolon.
□ errors in compound sentences: when you use a coordinator (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so: you can use the acronym FANBOYS to help you remember the seven coordinators) to join full meaning sentences, use a comma.
For example → she washed her face, and she brushed her teeth.
Notice that if you omit the 'and' in the second sentence, the sentence is meaningful (independent).
However, you don't need a comma if you omit the second 'she' → she washed her face and brushed her teeth.
□ you don't always enclose the quotation marks with the right punctuation mark.
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Anna's Reviews
非小說類[ closed ] get a detailed review and in-depth analysis from a self-taught literature student. sometimes, i do special reviews while requesting is closed. it doesn't mean you can request too. but hey, maybe i'll take a special request from you if...
